Phew! We made it! Congrats to the winner, and great job to all that entered!
Let me begin by being a bit corny, but no less honest. Despite having only four entries this time around, judging them was no easy task! Each story was unique in its subject matter, and played with the rules of multiple perspectives in new and creative ways. Each story is well worth a read, and while I loved reading all of the entries, judging them was very difficult. Only after rereading them all and thinking about them was I able to make a decision.
Your story did an excellent job of recreating war. I felt like I was there with the characters, for better or worse, and really understood their plight. You know your war stories, and it's like you've been on the battlefield. Your greatest strength was your details, managing to draw me in and make me feel every step. Your details painted a dirty, gritty version of war, one that felt real (despite the fact that we were fighting giant snakes!
). One thing that I didn't really pick up on until my second time through was that we, as readers, never get a sense of why the war is happening. And that is not a negative. The war could really be over anything, and, when you're in a battle, it doesn't really matter why you're fighting. You're just trying to survive.
I think your story conveyed that very well.
Firstly, once again, good job on writing in present tense! That's really hard to do. Your story had a hard edge to it that I really enjoyed. Plus, it had a good, continuous flow, moving from one scene to the next with great grace that only looks easy to pull off. And on top of that, yours had a good plot twist at the end to tie it all together.
I would've liked more information on what was going on, and I think you have a strong premise for a lengthier story should you ever go down that route. As it stands, your story offers a compelling glimpse into the mind of someone with split personalities, and for that, well done!
I think I've said most of what I want to in your actual topic. But, here, I will just say that, while lengthy, your story is well worth reading. I think the length was necessary for the story to be told, and I think your story works well because of it. Your characters are very strong, and you have a unique, well thought-out plot. Like The Captain, you are good with details, and really placed me in your world.
To those of you who haven't read it yet, check it out! It's well worth it!
Congratulations on winning this month's contest. Upon rereading your story, I really came to appreciate what you did with it. Firstly, I am a fan of minimalism, that is, using choice phrases and details to convey a point, and to do with as few words as possible. I think your story, especially on a second read-through, really does that. Your details are well chosen and despite only a few words used, really make the characters come alive.
I feel silly for admitting this, but I didn't pick up on the "fire vs ice" stuff until my second readthrough, and I really liked what you did with it. You found many different connotations for both fire and ice, and found the many different ways they can be interpreted. Fire of anger compared to the fire of a blush.
Because of your brevity, strong details, compelling characters, and interesting way to tackle two different perspectives, I am happy to give you the victory for the April Writing contest.
Once again, thank you to all who entered, and congrats to the winner! Look forward to seeing what you all have for the next month!
Edited by Ryoma, 04 May 2013 - 09:18 AM.