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Lego James Bond: Guys, Guns and Gold

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#1 Hawk


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Posted 23 April 2008 - 09:20 AM

The most powerful mafia men in the world are all holding a meeting in a run down Chinese temple....

...your job Bond, is to find out why.

I am General Roschest, your new order.....giving....um...


Hello Mr.Bond.

You see, I have been hired to kill you.

My name is....Tom Mitchell.

My name is Takekin.

And these are my NINJAS!!!!

It's me against dozens of other men....

Better bring the shotgun...

This mission is indeed possible.


Post guys, so I can get to the new stuff. smile.gif



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#2 The Magic Tuba Pixie

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Posted 23 April 2008 - 10:24 AM


This always made me laugh...out loud...(commonly called "lol").

I like the first panel... laugh.gif


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#3 Sir_Muffonious


    Rock on, gold dust woman.

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Posted 23 April 2008 - 10:24 AM

No matter how many times I see that preview, I still love it just as much. biggrin.gif More!

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#4 Jlblue


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Posted 23 April 2008 - 10:32 AM

Huzzah! This is awesome! I love guns! I love gold! I LOVE- Wait a minute, I don't love guys. huh.gif Ah well, I'm still looking forward to the repostage of this and hopefully, dare I say it, NEW EPISODES OF LEGO JAMES BOND. Gah, that would be AWESOME! Almost as awesome as sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads!

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#5 Hawk


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Posted 23 April 2008 - 12:33 PM

My squad and I have just been given our largest assignment since the Ruby Eye incident, an assassination, or rather "act of defense" as the politicians will likely call it. It was an easy mission, get in, shoot some bad people, and get the heck out of there before they shoot back.

But the whole thing stank. The area we would be operating in was a peaceful home of monks (well, actually it served as a cover for a weapons depot, but beside the point). Second, our target was a Russian weapons dealer by the name of Jossia Heinstickler. Russian bear don't usually visit the jungles of Brazil. Odd to say the least, but we long ago got used to not asking questions.

- From the journal of Sevan Morrison

Welcome to the Jungle

Jossia Heinstickler(JH): For the last time, why do you have it!?
Monk: Sir we have no idea what you speak of! We are just harmless.....er....
Monk 2 : Monks! How can we be evil, do you not see our smiles-
JH: Fools! I happen to know very well you are weapons dealers, me being one myself. You are of no further use to me.

JH: You may execute when ready.
Henchman: Oh right.
Henchman Captain: Alright boys, you heard him. Fire whenever.
Henchman: I want to hump their corpses.

(Brutal disemboweling sounds)
Jh: Ah, I love the sounds of guns repeatedly being fired into bald men's skulls in the morning.
Engineer: I know what you mean sir.
JH: Now, is it safe to take the chest?
Engineer: Yes sir, it was booby trapped, took half our men out, but it's ok.
Jh: Ah, so that is where that scent of burning corpes is coming from. It's been bothering me.
Engineer: You are so devilish sir, when would you like us to extract it?

Jh: As soon as possible. You there, check the perimeter once more.
Armorless Henchman: (sigh) Yes your Russianess.

Henchman: I don't see why he wants us to check, no one knows we're here.
Armorless Guy: If you've been in the business as long as I have, you lean not to question a guy with a shotgun.

????: Ha, they don't suspect a thing.

Sevan Morrison (Sm): Yes, all is going well. Be sure they do not find you. That goes for you too Falcon, no wrist cutting.
Falcon (F): You just love to take the joy out of my life....
SM: Shut up. Now, Sam Fisher a guard is coming your way, you may need to take him out, but do so quietly-
Sam Fisher (SF): Don't worry, already got him.

SM: SAM! NO! Not the rocket!
F: Oh sure, give him the attention (sniff)......no one loves me....

JH: I feel like celebrating, bring forward the possible fifteenth wives!
Henchman Captain: Got two good canidates boss, one is sensible, one's crazy, just like you asked.
Jh: Hm.......sensible or crazy.......


Engineer: Look at all the badly drawn blood.
Henchman Captain: Someone's arm just landed on me....
Jh: Yes yes, do something about it....Now I don't like to play favorites, you can both be my next wives!
Wives: Yay!!!!!

SM: Guess there is no time like the present, stop in the name of the law Jossia!
SF: So...so lame.
F: Time is merely a figment of our imagination to hide our own sad lives.....
Sm: Shut up!

Jh:I'm not sure who you are, but you are not getting this chest. I'll call the helicopter, you henchman take care of them.
(gun clicking noises)
JH: That's the spirit, now come along wives.

Up next: Welcome to the jungle part 2

you guys may notice that the old comic is on "The Best of Minifig Tales". smile.gif

I happy....


Henchman: You got what it takes to pull that trigger kid?
Xavier Ortello(XO): Don't call me kid!
Sevan Morrison(SM): Mind if I-

SM: Drop in?
XO: I'd complain more about you taking my kill, if it wasn't for me being blinded by your terrible joke.
Henchman Captain: Say your prayers lame boy....

TJ(TJ): As lame as he is, you can't shoot my captain.
SM: Thank you TJ.

Henchman: Take them down!
SM: Cover boys!
Falcon(F): I got em'.

SF: Hah, they are dead now.
F: They are the lucky ones....
SF; Hah yeah....wait-
SM: Enoguh bickering girls, there is a mad Russian on the loose.

Jossia Heinstickler(JH):Darn it, this is unpreferred. Girls, cover me.
Wives: Yes sweetie.
SM: Curses, we can't shoot innocents!
XO: Oh yes we can!

XO: Eat....yellow lines.......evildoers!
JH: Ah, I'm falling!

SM: Come quietly,Jossia. You are wanted for murder, weapons dealing, and other things.Resist or be shot!
XO: Please resist...
JH: Very well.
XO: D*** it!

XO: "Very well" baldy, put your hat on. The shine blinds me.

JH: Take this!
XO: Ahh, my arm! The badly drawn blood, it hurts!
SM: Freeze you!

JH: Quickly, get this bird off the ground. Back to mother Russia with our prize!



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#6 Sir_Muffonious


    Rock on, gold dust woman.

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Posted 24 April 2008 - 06:02 AM

Good. Now post the next one.

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#7 Hawk


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Posted 25 April 2008 - 05:09 AM

Next Part: Aftermath

Life is fleeting, it can all come to an end faster then the blink of an eye. Ideas and plans, all can come crumbling down. In reality, we have no control. Death disregards whether you are right or wrong (Why? Cause the Grimm Reapers is freaking awesome like that). - From the journal of Sevan Morrison

5 miles from the Brazillian border...

Jossia Heinstickler(JH): Charlie, thanks for the quick pick up. get your co-pilot down here, we got the goods-

Who are you?!!

???: Good evening, I have been waiting for you to call us.
JH: GOLBEZ!! What is Josh's personal scum doing on my coptor?
Golbez Karkarov(GK): Pleaase calm down, let's discuss things, it is in your best interest-
JH: When Charlie heres about this, we'll toss you down the ship pantless!

GK:(sigh) now see here Jossia, I am here peacefully. All I desire is what is in the chest you found, nothing more.
JH: You knew!!?
GK: You will find Mr.Xenon's information network to be most knoledgeable, but yes, we know about the "you-know-what".

JH:...how did you get on this coptor?
GK: I can be most persuasive.....

JH: Now see here, I will not be ordered around, if you know what's good-
GK:-for you Jossia it would be good to sit down and think about porn for a while rather then threaten me.
JH: When Charlie heres about this....
GK: Charlie is dead, I'm afraid I got carried away. Now understand this, I have no intention of killing you, both me and my boss believe a death of a mob boss this near that "other you-know-what" would cause chaos we do not desire. Consider it a blessing as your bald head is shining light in my eyes and it's ticking me off.

GK: Do not make me use your own threat of hanging you from the ship pantless.

In Brazil

Xavier Ortello(XO): -So now I may need to get a new arm.
TJ: Awesome cowboy! Fake arms are cool, what prosthetic is on your mind? Robot?
Falcon:......We are all prosthetic on the inside.....
XO: Dude, does he have a "happy" switch?

Sam Fisher (SF): Found the guy's suitcase.
Sevan Morrison(SM): Good, now check it for bombs, we know how Russians are.
SF: Dude, I became an explosives expert to BLOW stuff it, not stopping it. Its heresy to me...
SM: Fine, you prisoner, check for explosives.

Engineer(E): I don't need to check to tell you there is enough explosives in here to put a city off the map.
SF: Sweet.
SM: No, not sweet. Is there any way to stop it?
E: He thought ahead, there is only one way to stop it, we can't use knives. He put a magnet in there, drawing any knifes of course, easily killing us all. Also, it's electricized enough to kill a man touching it. There may be a way to stop it though by shooting it in the right spot, but at all off the spot and we are goners. The way I see it, we got two minutes.

SF: Shooting things is something I can do!
SM: Sam, nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

A single mistake, and all can be gone, listed as dead. But..............there are also cases when we do not die despite all odds. This is squad 66, we have found our new target.

James Bond, prepare to die.- From the journal of Sevan Morrison



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#8 Jlblue


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Posted 25 April 2008 - 10:05 AM


Unless... maybe... there isn't a part that's been made after this...

Dang. I want James Bond and I can't have it. GIVE ME BOND!

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#9 Hawk


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Posted 26 April 2008 - 01:21 AM

You have a new mission Bond, two Mafia men, Dustin, and Alex Dworman are meeting for business purposes. Be warned, they are known to be armed, and evil!

Your objectives:

1. Sneak into mafia meeting place using budget disguise kit.
2. Eliminate mafia men.
3. Question mafia men about their plans.
4. Pick up milk (we are all out!)

With brotherly love,
General Roschest

Now Entering, Bond! Part 1

Guard: If I may ask sir, why are we meeting Alex here of all places?
Dustin(D): Simple, first because it's a secluded section of old ruins, second because I said so, and third because we are looking for "that thing" on the side, you know what I mean right?
Guard: No.
D: Bah, you budget guards suck. I wanted to get the fancy green guards but "NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I'ts outside the mafia budget...
Guard: Whatever-

Guard: Anyway sir, why are we meeting Alex in the first place, don't you hate him?
D: Oh, I hope his limbs are pulled off by monkeys, but I need him. First because he has influence, second he has a large force, and third-
Guard: He's freakin' rich?
D: ....yes. But if we can kill him, we will, and then steal his wallet-

Alex (A): Still using budget guards eh' Dustin?
D: Ah, Alex my good man, still not having your limbs teared off by monkeys I see?
A: Huh?
D: You were supposed to come alone.
A: Well, certainly my two enforcers shall be of no trouble.

D: Very well, we have little time anyway. First though, may I offer you some wine?
A: Let me guessed, a clever devil like you poisoned it?
D: Maybe...
A: Yeah, um, no. Anyway, is the area secure? With rumors of you making a death ray, I hear an agent is coming to investigate. But not any agent, James Bond himself.
D: Nope, not a spy among us.
A: What about him?

D: Him? Oh he is just a new guy who does his best to be unnoticed by me.
A: Sure...

???: Honestly gentleman, James Bond is far too handsome to be here with you and your guns.
A: Yeah, I guess your right.
???: And besides, does he have a beard?
A: No, I guess not. Especially not one that has a price tag on it.

D: I kinda wish Bond was here though, I'd sure like to burn his face off!
???: No, not my...er...his sexy face! You'd be doing a crime to women everywhere!
D: And why do you care?
???: (gasp, think fast Bond, remember, be tact and professional. A wrong move would creep them out. Now think, what would the general say...)
D: Well?
???: Simple, I'm gay.
D: Oh....

Edited by Hawk, 26 April 2008 - 01:22 AM.



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#10 Jlblue


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Posted 26 April 2008 - 01:29 AM

Oh, yeah, there was a part after the last one. This one was one of my favorites, too.

Oh, and *postage*

You know. In case you need it. To post more, and stuff.

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#11 Hawk


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Posted 26 April 2008 - 01:34 AM

Yeah, I'm a freakin' stud with all the ladies....

Actually, I have one love. A girl named Beth, a hot chick who could fit into a bikini like no tomorrow. But, well, not anymore. The babies started coming in, we're up to 12 now, and it is really annoying. I so my best to stay away from her. I'd drop her in a heartbeat if it wasn't for the "morals" I have.

I'm a spy! I need a different girl every, like, movie!

- From a Journal on Bond's cellphone.

Now Entering, Bond! Part 2

Dustin(D): Okay, now let's get down to our legit business, this is a model of the death ray.
Alex(A): This is the deathray?!? Little small eh? Looks like the most it can destroy is a cheezit.

D: It's a model, the actual thing shall be bigger.
A: I ain't paying for something that small!
D: (sigh) Model. M-O-D...and some other letters.
A: Not a speller eh' Dustin?
D: Words are useless in the mafia.

(Meanwhile in the background)
Bond(B ): Hey, the froggy's drinking the poison, ain't that cute- OMG!

D: The point is that with this death ray we can level a city! None would stop us.
A: But it's tiny-
B: Dude, I don't know how to break this to you, but your frog......sniff....is dead!

D: Oh great, look you gay fruitcup, stay over there, and stay away from me! Sure I'm curious, but I'm married and-
B: But your frog is dead!
D: What? Oh....sure....whatever.
B: Hey, my phones ringing....
D: Is that-

B: Who is this?
D: His phone is playing the Bond theme, he must be the spy under that 1$ half off mustache of his!

Henchman: Got him boss!
B: Do you guys mind, I'm on the phone! Oh, hi Beth! What, another baby!?!?! I'm kinda busy right now...
I understand you are mad honey, but I- Oh, calm down. Don't tell me it- Oh god!
Henchman: GET HIM!

Henchman: Dang it, missed!
B: Sheesh, you had, to get pregnant now. Yes, I do blame you.

D: Alright, I know it's Bond, but if we team up-
A: No way, all you got are budget guards, we don't have a chance!
D: Scared?
A: Er, um, no, it's just I lit a few fires at home and I REALLY need to watch them so goodbye!

D: Fine, who needs that spiky haired drug dealer? Let's go!

Henchman: Hurck-
B: Yes, wait, it costs what!?!?!?! I can't afford that!

Henchman: Dang, curse his spy speed!
B: Don't worry honey, those are just guns- Yes of course there are guns, remember I'm a spy!?! I AM trying to think about how this makes you feel! Me, difficult!?! You woman are being difficult!

Henchman: AHH!
B: What do you mean my voice sounds liek it's muffled by a crappy beard? This disguise is the finest at the dollar store!

D: You are a supreme pain in the but Bond, but you light on fire like everyone else.
B: Uh, Honey, I gotta hang up now... What?! Now is not a good time- alright fine, name it Jimmy or something.

D: Pay attention you fancypants bum!
B: Dude, busy ok? Your flamethrower is melting my phone!

B; Alright, you can shoot me, burn me, and call me homo, but when you interrupt a talk between Bond and his sweetheart...
(Takes beard off)

B: That is when it's time to kick ass.

D: You won't escape me Bond, no matter how awesomely agile you are!
B: Not so tough now with that overgrown candle lighter are ya?

D: And curse your juvenille jumping skills!
B: Now, Falcon-

B: - Kick!
D: Argh!

D: Everyone out of here, bond is too strong!
B: No, you won't escape! (bang) Curse my hands and their lack of fingers!


Sniper: Alright Bondy, now walk into my scope...

Sniper: That's it.....stand still....

Sniper: OMGWTF!!!!!!!111!!!11111!!!!!!

A Hawk Production



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#12 Jlblue


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Posted 26 April 2008 - 03:32 AM


I love rereading these. I can't wait until the saga is complete. That would be cool...

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#13 The Doctor

The Doctor

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Posted 26 April 2008 - 04:30 AM

Ah yes, the good old Crackdown reference.

It should also be noted I have pretty drunk.


#14 Billybobjoe


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Posted 26 April 2008 - 04:35 AM

It's a back, I can't wait until it picks up in the action again.
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#15 Hawk


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Posted 26 April 2008 - 01:01 PM

Deals and Dark Katanas

Good evening, this is Jonathan Harper of the American mafia, I desire to meet you. I know it is against both of our moral codes, but I require someone killed. I trust you have heard of James Bond? I am against assassinations,but rumor is that he plans to strike at The Meeting. This cannot be done, and I will do anything to prevent it. I know you do not desire money, but I have the thing you most desire, info on your troubled past.

I await our meeting, if you comply please arrive at Dlankno alley at 7:00, I will be alone.

And do be quick about it Mr. Mitchell.

- An excerpt from a email passed between the two

Jonathan (J): I hope Tom actually comes, then the entire meeting would be a waste...
Henchman: I thought you told him you would be alone?
J: And who would be that stupid? I suppose you would also suggest pay for my own meals too?

Henchman: Regardless, I'm worried about having our rookie on guard duty.
Henchman2: Yeah, I hear there are few men who can stand against Tom, not even Bond. Or atleast, that's what he says...

Rookie: Hey guys theres this scary black dressed man holding a katana to my throat who told me not to tell you about him but I did anyway and now he wants to speak to Jon but I don't think he should cause he is scary.
???: Sigh...

Tom(T): Shut up!
Rookie: Hurck gah arggh smot shink......ah dead....

J: Now was that really necessary?
T: With guys like him, I thought I was doing you a favor. Besides, I thought you said you would be alone?
J: And you believed me? I'm mafia dude!

J: Anyway down to business...

J: I'm sure you already know your target, James Bond.
T: This is unlike you. But anyway, why me?
J: I like your style Tom, your awesome, have a troubled past, and duel wield katanas.

T: As you know Jon, I don't work for money.
J: Don't worry, I have the list of names of all the people involved in your parents death.
T: Good, and remember, I know where you live... So don't screw it up!

J: Aren't you even slightly worried about Bond?
T: When your this cool man, you don't bother with such things. Well, I'm off!

J: So long Tom Crui-
T: It's Mitchell, Tom Mitchell.

Henchman: Dang that guys cool, perhaps if I stole his clothes, used his toilets, and ate his hair some of his coolness would rub off on me...
J: Yeah, that's creepy. Let's get out of here before-
???: Leaving so soon Jon? It's not like you to be this sneaky.

Josh Xenon(JX): Why the assasinations Jon? How unlike you.
J: What are you doing here Josh, how did you find me?
JX: My intelligence network is most...informed Jon.

Henchman: There must be a spy amongst us!
J: Yes...why my friend is your heart rate going up? You see, I have trained myself to know if there are spies amongst us.
Henchman: Huh? What'dya mean?
J: Die.

J: Draw your guns men!
JX: Don't bother Jon-

JX:-You're surrounded and outnumbered.
J: Dammit!

J: But, you are not here to fight us are you Josh? You would have killed us already if you did.
JX: Excellent deductive reasoning Jon, you are correct. I come here to propose a....partnership of sorts.
J: You have a lot of explaining to do Jon, especially this close to the Meeting of the Mafia.
JX: Oh, trust me, this is all about the Meeting.

JX: This...is what I am here about.
J: Is this a bribe Xenon?
JX: Oh no, this is no ordinary ruby.

JX:You see, this is RubyEye's eye.
J:...what!!!! How did you get a hold of that!
JX: Never mind that, but this is what I plan to bring up at the Meeting.

J: So you plan to use this as a threat against the rest of the mafia men in the meeting, thereby giving you control of every organized crime business in the world.
JX: Ah, so you know the story of the Eye?
J: Yes, but for the stupid people watching us on the computer, you better explain.

JX: RubyEye was a powerful mafia man with enough followers to fight America, his base of operations was a chinese temple in France.
J: Makes "sense."
JX: RubyEye was...off to say the least. But diabolical. With his links to the government nuke bases, he designed his eye. The eye contains a minuscule device that if Ruby Eye's heart stopped, would trigger a massive nuclear launch across the world, destroying everything in a five hundred mile radius of where he was. I am essentially a walking bomb.
J: The world's greatest fail-safe.
JX: Correct, but after Bond killed RubyEye, his eye was stolen by his own remaining guards before the failsafe could activate, going between many mafia men, who were targeted by others for such a treasure. Until now, it has not reached a powerful hand such as mine.
J: Without RubyEye, is the eye useless?
JX: Far from it, simply smashing the Eye would trigger the fail-safe. Anyway, ever since the death of RubyEye, the mafia men fot he world hold a secret meeting at his temple every five years, all the world's strongest criminals in one spot. With the Eye, I could conquer them, no man would face someone who can cause a nuclear explosion around him. But also as you know, only the leaders of the assorted mobs are allowed within 50 feet of the meeting ground, for centuries a small army of guards have protected it-
J: And you want me as an ally since you can't rely on your men.
JX: ...Yes.

J: Well Josh, this is startling to say the least, but I accept.
JX: Good, now, I must be going.

Henchman: Boss, there was something that's been bothering me. You knew we have snipers trained on him, yet you succumbed to his demands. Why was that?
J: Well, for better or worse, Josh is now in the strongest position of any mafia- no, anyone in the world. And I, am his partner.

To be continued...

Edited by Hawk, 27 April 2008 - 12:38 AM.



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#16 137


    Just a figment of your imagination....

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Posted 26 April 2008 - 08:34 PM

YAY new part and i'm not stupid!

can't wait for morez.

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#17 Silent-Sigfig


    4 DA LULZ

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Posted 06 May 2008 - 12:30 AM

Umm... Bump o teh new partz?

#18 Hawk


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Posted 06 May 2008 - 05:02 AM

QUOTE (Silent-Sigfig @ May 6 2008, 03:35 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Umm... Bump o teh new partz?

Sorry, I've been busy with school... sad.gif



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#19 Fenris


    Nom :3

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Posted 08 May 2008 - 03:11 PM

i'we finally read through all, and i must say: Very good stuff indeed.

#20 DarkNight


    The sarcastic one

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Posted 22 June 2008 - 04:28 AM

"BUMP" Seriously how are you doing on this comic
If you know me, thats impossible

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