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Oh hey this feature still exists

Posted by Phaedrus, 25 April 2013 · 10,327 views

I totally forgot about this blog thing. I haven't made an entry in almost three years, and looking back, I was a bit of a twat. Oh well. I suppose I can use this thing to dump my http://irrationalramblings.tumblr.com/ text posts into, get them some exposure. Or maybe no one will read them on this site either. Who knows? Only one way to find out.
 
Don't expect these to be regular... in terms of schedule or content. Read at your own risk. I'm too lazy to proofread and edit swear words.
 
 
 

04/08/2013

 

Today marks the first day on which I will write a blog post. I plan on writing more in the future, but they will in now way follow a regular schedule or even be frequent. They’ll happen when I catch the writing bug, and when I feel like it. Its not like I’ve got hordes of reader hanging off my every word, gripping their desk in anticipation. I’m not really doing these for anyone other than myself, if someone happens to take the time to read that which I write, that’s cool too. I’ve just got a lot of thoughts that I need to get organized in some capacity outside of my own head, and Tumblr can provide such an outlet. Besides, there’s more than enough black and white photographs of attractive people with quasi-philosophic phrases, TV show .gifs and song lyrics to go around on this site and I don’t feel the need to contribute to that. 
 
Where to begin? There’s a lot to think about nowadays, and therefore a lot to write about. Maybe I’ll get the depressing stuff out of the way first. No names will be used. A former co-worker and friend of mine took a bottle of Prozac last week, in an attempt to take her own life. She was thankfully not successful, but I’m not sure if she sees it that way yet, or if she ever will. Suicide is a pretty loaded topic, especially around these parts, but its something that I’m not afraid to discuss. This person has always been slightly troubled, the kind that got into a lot of less-than-good things at a very young age, the kind that is in and out of school. But as far as I could tell she wasn’t depressed, not outwardly. But that’s what everyone says, right? Most people don’t really make it public knowledge when they’re feeling the worst kind of feelings, and that’s where a lot of problems start. People can’t help each other when we lock each other out. We think we’re just saving others from harm by not bothering them with our own problems, but we only cause more hurt, because not knowing is always worse. But I digress; I’m talking about my friend in specific here. What struck me most about the whole affair was that when I heard about about her plan (she made it very public on Facebook, of all places) and talked about it with some mutual friends, they didn’t seem to really care. “Oh, she’s said she was gonna do it before.” “She’s just crying wolf.” No one was terribly concerned. One person actually texted her “April Fool’s !”. Its true, in recent months she has taken a downward turn. But to blow it off so casually… even when someone has a reputation for saying “I’m going to kill myself” without following through, you should take it seriously. It is never a joke, ever. And this time, she actually did try. She’s ok now but she actually tried to commit suicide, and people were making jokes about it the day before. That’s not right, no matter who you are. The worst part about teen suicide is that at a young age, your brain is not fully formed, nor is your life. You don’t know how much of your life lies ahead of you, choosing to cut it short is the worst mistake you could possibly make. So it makes me sad that people as young as my friend can feel so alone and defeated to see such drastic measures as the only possible escape. I know mental illness can play a huge part as well and the majority of people go undiagnosed until its far too late, and the stigma still exists so that many people will never so much as get themselves checked. But this girl has come to the point that when hospital staff told her that she would be released in a month of two, her first thought was that they were giving up on her too… but in reality that’s when they expect her to be ready to go home safe and healthy. It shows just how low this person has gotten, she has no trust or love left. And it hurts me to see someone reach that point. And the worst part is that she is in no way unique(in regards to her situation, of course she is unique as a human being, we all are), nor is she alone in that untold thousands (upon thousands) of people, young and old, feel much the same. Its a serious problem, and I just hope that one day enough will be done to raise awareness and help those in need of nothing more than a loving arm to wrap around them and tell them its okay. That one day young girls won’t try to overdose on antidepressants. 
 
Wow, that was heavy. Needed to get some of that mess out of my head, I apologise if it comes across as disorganized and scatterbrained… that’s pretty much an accurate description of my thought process. I’ll try to think of something happier to talk about.. all right never mind, I’m coming up dry. I seem to have exhausted my daily capacity for venting. I was going to do a little tirade about girls, probably, but I won’t. I’m listening to the wrong kind of music for that, and besides, I’d probably make a huge fool out of myself. But what’s new? 
 
Religion, maybe? Nah, I fear that what I truly want to say about such a topic would not come across the right way at all. But perhaps an excerpt of lyrics from the song Laughing With by Regina Spektor can sum up a part of how I feel:
 

No one laughs at God in a hospital

No one laughs at God in a war

No one’s laughing at God

When they’re starving or freezing

Or so very poor

 

No one laughs at God when the doctor calls

After some routine tests

No one’s laughing at God,

When it’s gotten real late,

Their kid’s not back from that party yet

 

No one laughs at God when their airplane

Starts to uncontrollably shake

No one’s laughing at God

When they see the one they love

Hand in hand with someone else

And they hope that they’re mistaken

 

No one laughs at God

When the cops knock on their door

And they say “We got some bad news, sir”

No one’s laughing at God

When there’s a famine, fire, or a flood…

 

But God could be funny

At a cocktail party while listening to

A good god-themed joke

Or when the crazies say he hates us

And they get so red in

The head you’d think they’re about to choke

 

God could be funny

When told he’ll give you money

If you just pray the right way

And when presented like a genie

Who does magic like Houdini

Or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket

And Santa Claus

 

God could be so hilarious

Ha-ha, ha-ha

 
 
And on that note, I shall cease my irrational ramblings. 
 
-Hayden
 
v.v.v.v.v.
 
(P.S.: I’m an Atheist) 
 
 

----

 

 

04/10/2013

 

Good morning, O void of electrons and keystrokes to whom I write. I hope you are doing well. The Internet. Quite a thing, isn’t it? I suspect a majority of the creatures who lurk the dark corners of this site were far too young to remember or not yet even conceived when there was a time it didn’t exist. I myself number amongst that demographic. Oh, how it changed the world! Can you imagine not being be to chat with your friends, find the title of that song that’s nagging you, or not being able to type out all the questions, big and small that plague you and have them near-instantly answered? For the vastly greater expanse of human history, it is how things were. Are we better for it, has the Internet improved the quality of the human race? I suppose it depends on your definition of better. But for better or worse, our society (that is, North America, parts of South America and swathes of Europe) is becoming increasingly technologically empowered, to the point that it has become a dependency. Think of how you feel when you are outside, alone, away from your computing device and its Internet connection. Ah! Not to fear, you are in possession of a cellular phone, or more accurately, a handheld computer. You can take the Internet, the stored knowledge of all mankind with you in your pocket. Marvellous. Now suppose its dead, the battery has run out and you have no means of providing it with renewed power. 
 
How do you begin to feel? Nothing at first, perhaps you a struck with a sudden appreciation for the architecture of the buildings that may encompass you, or enthralled by the way the water of a small stream makes its indifferent journey towards no real destination. The good side of the feeling of disconnect, you take in your surroundings unhindered by a vibrating pocket. But it doesn’t last, does it? Soon you begin to fidget, drum your fingers or perhaps tap your feet, to no song in particular. You could begin to display any sort of tic as you begin to feel increasingly alone, left out and even irritated. “Boy, I bet I’m missing some hilariouspictures right now. I wonder what so-and-so is up to.” Other such seemingly idle queries begin to fill your mind as you grow steadily more uncomfortable. At first you laugh the feeling off, reassuring yourself that you’re not like those other people that can’t go more than five minutes without reflexively hitting F5. But you are, I am, we are ‘those people’ now. Its a ‘stare long into the abyss’ type of deal. Hell, while writing this I was distracted multiple times by the other tabs I have open, constantly refreshing my various feeds even when I know there’s bound to be little if any change. We’re all hitting F5 when we should be hitting ALT+F4. We’re not refreshing anything so much as regurgitating it, to the point that we become so desensitized to all sensory input. I’ve heard a song just like that. I’ve seen that picture a million times before when will it become unfunny. I don’t hate God and no I don’t want my grandmother to be murdered by killer bees but I’m going to keep scrolling anyway. 
 
What do we really stand to gain from all of this? The Internet was created to allow for easy sharing of and access to information, and much of that function remains, but the information we’re sharing is largely irrelevant. Is a grand repository of accumulated knowledge greatly improved by ads, videos of people hurting themselves, pornographic material and descriptions and pictures of weekend debauchery? For a significant portion of Internet traffic (uploads and downloads) consists of such, when put simply, irrelevancies. But some would argue that none of that is irrelevant, that nothing any human being decides to create and share is in any way irrelevant, and I suppose that part of the point I’m trying to make here. That our society has… progressed (I use that word very lightly here) to the point where one can argue that it is all a part of our collective culture, and how that is terrifying. When our grandkids ask us about how life was during our youth, what aspects of our culture (The arts and other manifestations of human intellectual achievement regarded collectively) will we impress upon them? The LOLcats Renaissance? The Telecommunication Revolution? The Great Facebook-Myspace War?  Are these the ‘achievements’ what we truly wish to be remembered for? No, by no means, at least I certainly hope that no one is actively trying to cement that crap in human history. But it is true that not enough people are trying to leave something else behind. Most people don’t feel the need to stand out or do or create something memorable, when there’s an entire Internet full of other, more interesting people that can do it better. That’s a stigma that needs to be broken. 
 
I won’t deny the good that has come from the Internet, from information technology as a whole. There are many incredible people who are doing many incredible things. I know that. Its just that I’m scared that it will all be overshadowed and made forgotten by the mass of unending filler. All of this; useful or not, relevant or not, funny or not, is hardly permanent, and I would just like to see the more important stuff get a little more room in the spotlight from time to time, There are a lot of problems with the internet that I didn’t touch upon, and I barely said anything positive at all. And I’m fully aware of the irony of me writing this from behind a screen of my own, and not primevally etching into the mountainside. I’m aware of my own hypocrisy and guilt. I’m aware that Tumblr is a site where many of the things I touched upon are incredibly prevalent, but for me it just provides a convenient outlet, ease of access. I need to get some of my thoughts out and honestly I’m just too lazy to write them out. With like, a pencil. Or whatever. 
 
Some closing thoughts:
 
As the collective knowledge and culture or our race is stored increasingly via electronic mediums, we in doing so increase the risk of it all being lost in the event of a cataclysmic system failure, server breakdown, machine uprising, etc. Books are slowly but surely being phased out by e-readers. Most of the world’s wealth is stored electronically. If something were to happen to all that, where would that leave us? i understand that nothing is permanent and even the most well-made book will decay in time, but electronic storage does not absolutely mean assured longevity. If our current civilization were to be wiped out, what would those who come after know of us, if all electronic devices have failed? Will future generations know of our accomplishments, or only of our architecture and weapons of war? 
 
To that one could say; we deserve to be forgotten.
 
Perhaps… perhaps.
 
-Hayden
 
(P.S I was going to write about girls and my feelings about relationships but I didn’t have the heart to do so tonight so maybe next time)
 
v.v.v.v.v.
 




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