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Ocelot

Member Since 07 Apr 2008
Offline Last Active Yesterday, 10:53 PM

#488778 The New! HALO Thread - Hosted by Spark

Posted by Ocelot on 02 July 2019 - 11:21 PM

Well, I don't necessarily mean it as a bad thing when I call Chief shallow. I feel like Halo is a universe where all the characters are soldiers and everyone has been at war constantly throughout all of recorded history, and even among that crowd Chief sticks out to the people around him as being single-mindedly obsessed with fighting bad guys. When I think about a character with some depth, I think about whether I can imagine that character on an off day, when they aren't at their day job. I can imagine, say, Nathan Drake when he isn't on an adventure. I can imagine Old Lara Croft when she's just relaxing around the manor, but I can't imagine Nu Lara Croft that way. I can imagine the Solid Snake of MGS1 and 2 as a regular man, but I can't do it for MGS4's Snake; I guess it's a quality of writing and characterization that I can't really put into words, but I know it when I see it.

 

When it comes to Master Chief, I absolutely can't imagine him doing anything but shooting guys, but, like you said, the canon of Halo more or less categorically states that he doesn't do anything but shoot guys. He basically doesn't even get to take a shower from the opening of Halo 1 to the end of Halo 4, right? And then at the beginning of 5 his buds mention under their breath that he's been running missions non-stop since the last game. And I think that's totally fine. That's what Halo is; the fiction is all about Chief being a manmade supersoldier who doesn't stop, and I think it'd be a mistake to start depicting Chief sitting on the space couch watching football or whatever. He doesn't need to be a deep character. You mention Doomguy, and I'd argue that 2016's Doomguy carved out more of a personality for himself from that miracle-energy-source destroying scene in Doom 2016 alone than Chief has in like five games (I will give him points for jumping through space all those times, though). Anyway, I'm still fine with him being shallow.

 

It is why the emotional Cortana/Chief stuff in 4 just didn't work for me at all, though. Chief isn't a character I can imagine being sad about things, or forming any kind of emotional bond beyond a Chris Redfield RE5-style "she's my partner" kind of thing, which I'm fine with, but it really puts a limit on the kinds of stories you can tell with the guy. On a pure gut reaction level, I just didn't buy Halo 4's relationship between the green deathbot and the blue sexbot. This shot of him just standing there at the end really put the capper on the whole thing. I just don't know what they were thinking with this. He just stands there. Have him drop his gun. Put his hands on his head or something. Drop to his knees. Melodramatic, sure, but it'd be something. He doesn't have a face, he doesn't move, he doesn't express any emotion vocally, he just stands there.

 

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To be fair, I think Halo 5's story worked a lot better. I found Chief's voice actor a lot more convincing, and I think the premise of "we're trying to stop Cortana being evil" worked a lot better for Chief's limitations than "she's dying because lore and the emotional crux rests on Chief being sad". And 5 had some other characters and subplots going, too, so Chief didn't have to pull all that weight himself. And also Cortana had some clothes on this time :P

 

Anyway, I think that's pretty much how I feel about these Halos. I don't want to say they shouldn't ever try anything more with Chief's character, I just... hated it when they did it. They could always try again. I'd like to see it. I'm still looking forward to Halo Infinite.




#488777 moving Wicktures that you are watching: John Wick 3 Edition

Posted by Ocelot on 02 July 2019 - 09:24 PM

I've been sick as a DOG recently, to the point where just lying in bed makes my body so sore that I can't even relax properly and each new day is a fresh hell to acquaint myself with. So I've been watching some stuff.

 

Counterpart: I really like this show. It's got J.K. Simmons, who I think is the best actor in the world, and it's a spy story set in a world where a doorway to a parallel universe was opened in a nondescript building in Germany in the '80s. Or rather, it splits one world into two, and the moment the copy comes into existence the two worlds start to diverge. And, crucially, to be suspicious of the other. So we've got a story of quiet, subtle espionage where not only to double agents exist, but doubles exist. As in, maybe the other side has sent a mole in through the gateway, and maybe that mole is someone you know. Maybe that mole is your wife. Maybe your wife is actually the woman from the other side who killed your real wife ten years ago and you never noticed. It's so good.

 

The other nice thing about it is that it's two seasons long, ten episodes each, and that's it. It ends before it ever gets to that point of wasting your time inventing lame stories for supporting characters to fill out three more seasons just for the sake of it. You can blast through the whole series in a week or two and it'll tell you a wonderful story with a satisfying ending. I'd strongly recommend this one if you have any love for the 'grey men in grey buildings upsetting the balance of superpowers' genre.

 

Chernobyl: k, so this is the TV show of the year, without a doubt. A kind of pseudo-documentary/dramatization of the events of what I now understand was so nearly the worst disaster in this planet's history. I'd learnt about Chernobyl in High School, but they never went into much detail and, to be honest, High School Ocelot wasn't equipped to understand the full scope of the petty bureaucracy that almost lead to the entire continent of Europe being uninhabitable for centuries. This show is as heartbreaking and confronting as it is infuriating, like a dark version of Catch 22 where a nuclear disaster cannot happen in the Soviet Union, so a nuclear disaster has not happened in the Soviet Union, and any assertion otherwise is seen as traitorous to the state even when THE ENTIRE BUILDING HAS BLOWN UP.

 

Oof, it's hard to watch. Graphic depictions of how such horrific levels of radiation can just ruin a human body aren't even the worst of it; it's watching rational, educated people desperately trying to explain the enormity of the situation to bureaucrats who simply aren't willing to listen. They killed so many people through gross negligence and incompetence, like, oh my God. It's a real tear-jerker, too, which really played havoc with the agony inside my sinuses. So many scenes of people being forced to expose themselves to lethal doses of radiation and being essentially dead but for the falling over. One of the most horrific things I've ever heard is that, in late stages of radiation poisoning, the veins and arteries simply fall apart, leaving doctors unable to even administer morphine for the pain.

 

So, yeah, watch this show. It manages to ride the line between historical documentary and dramatic miniseries really well, and (speaking of not wasting your time) it's only five episodes long. Get yourself learnt about a historical event, and maybe also the horrors of the totalitarian regimes that are making their unfortunate return to the world of late.

 

Us: a.k.a. Jordan Peele's new movie. a.k.a. the one that was inevitably going to be compared to Get Out. I feel like Us probably needed a disclaimer at the start cluing people in that it's just a straight horror movie with no kind of political statement or deeper meaning, because it definitely would have helped a lot. I liked it, but I just kept waiting for the other shoe to drop... and it never did. It's still a good horror movie, though.

 

EDIT - For those keeping score at home, today's version of my ever-changing flu is that I'm swallowing razor blades and my diaphragm is spasming so horrifically that I actually can't stop coughing. Like, for realsies. Like, people say they can't stop coughing when they have a really bad cough, but I'm over here popping forehead veins trying to hold these coughs in and basically looking like I have hiccups, except each hiccup is a massive, chest-tearing cough.

 

Anyway, good excuse for watching more stuff, starting with...

 

The Death of Stalin: I feel like this movie really flew under the radar, and I only just remembered it existed today. It's made by Armando Iannucci, the creator of The Thick of It and Veep, whose particular style of political satire mixed with hilariously juvenile swearing is just wonderful, and it's a depiction of the titular event played for laughs with actors like Steve Buscemi and Jeffrey Tambor playing the highest echelon of the Soviet government. Nobody even tries to put on a Russian accent, or even agrees on one single accent they should all attempt, so it's a ridiculous farce all the way through. It's great, you should watch it.

 

 

The Predator: a.k.a. The 2018 one. This is one of the silliest movies I've seen in a long time. Not necessarily in a bad or unwatchable way, but definitely in a 'someone needs to talk to Shane Black about cutting back on the cocaine' way. He wrote every scene of this movie like the "We're getting beat up by the inventor of Scrabble" scene from The Last Boy Scout, where every line is trying to be funnier and more subversive than the last. A lot of it is still really funny, to be fair, but a lot of it is just, like... really? That one couldn't have stayed on the cutting room floor?

 

The CGI is really bad (and there's a lot of it), and there's a spectacularly ill-advised subplot about the main army dude's autistic son whose autism gives him the magic power to operate Predator tech. Olivia Munn is actually great in the movie, but she's had a looooot of plastic surgery and her face is really distracting. I don't know, I had some fun with it, but it's a weird one.




#488771 The New! HALO Thread - Hosted by Spark

Posted by Ocelot on 29 June 2019 - 08:53 PM

Blue Team however...well to say they're nothing like their book counterparts is an understatement.

 

Aren't their book counterparts... dead? I did actually read The Fall of Reach years ago, and my memories are pretty vague (I only really remember Kelly being very fast), but I was pretty sure everyone died at the end and it took me a while to realise that Chief's friends in this game were supposed to be his friends from the book.

 

Anyway, I finished off Halo 5, and I really liked it! There's a bit at the end when Team Osiris finally hops aboard a Guardian to teleport to Cortana's evil lair, and then has to run down the outside of it to reach the ground in a gameplay sequence that is basically that rad opening cutscene made playable, and from there on it was just popping off everywhere until the credits. I feel like I've just been sprinting and DUMPING ammo into dudes for the last hour or so and having a ball doing it. Having the game fake me out with enemy encounters that chop and change as the Warden and Cortana argue with eachother was such a lot of silly fun.

 

Honestly, I can see why people wouldn't like this game. Cortana coming back to life feels like a huge backpedal after 4, and Cortana turning pseudo-evil on top of that is absurd. It comes out of nowhere. If it had something to do with rampancy they could maybe have got away with it, but they actually go out of their way to say that it [i]isn't/i] rampancy. And I can see why people would be upset with Team Osiris horning in on their Master Chief time, especially when Locke is just another gruff military dude with the barest shreds of personality.

 

But, Halo 5 kind of reminded me of that one episode in the final season of Game of Thrones that I actually liked. Sure, Dany turning evil and doing 9/11 times a thousand came out of nowhere. Sure, everyone's characterization was miles off and there was no consistency with the rest of the series. But taken in a vacuum and judged purely on its own merits? I think it was pretty awesome, and Halo 5 hit me the same way. Cortana being alive and evil was pulled out of thin air, but I thought it was a really fun premise all the same. Playing the majority of the game as some new guys was maybe not the best idea for the fifth game in a series, but I really enjoyed playing alongside Nathan Fillion and Laura Bailey, and I kind of think Chief is such a shallow character that there isn't really much more they can do with him as the solo star anyway. Halo 5 might not be a good sequel to Halo 4, but Halo 4 was bad so I don't really care :P

 

So, hey, that was Halo! I've played 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and ODST now, and I know there's still Reach but I'm going to wait for that one to come to the Master Chief Collection. I'm really happy I finally played these games. I may not have loved all of them, or, y'know, even understood what was going on in half of them, but I still had a lot of fun. They're pretty good games, who'd'a thunkit? And now I get to be excited for Halo Infinite, too.




#488763 The New! HALO Thread - Hosted by Spark

Posted by Ocelot on 28 June 2019 - 06:32 AM

Hey you guys I remembered that I was supposed to be playing these games, so I went back and finished off Halo 4. Boy, it's nice to have a game that's just really straightforward and easy to understand every now and then, isn't it? A game where all the things in the script are there for a reason, everything is explained and has some kind of satisfying build-up and payoff. Aren't those kinds of games nice?

 

I wouldn't know. Halo 4 is not one of those games.

 

In the early hours I actually thought maybe 343 Industries was going to fix the storytelling problems I had with Bungie's games (the noun salad that leaves me behind and never gives me a chance to catch up), and for a time it actually did. I found that I could follow the first half of the story reasonably well, I knew where I was in any given level, I knew what the characters' names were. They even had personalities this time. Sarah Palmer was Jennifer Hale, and that dude Lasky seemed like a good bloke; that's already more characters than I can name from the whole Bungie trilogy. The blowhard Captain who wanted to destroy Cortana and take Chief's badge and gun was a cliche I've seen dozens of times before, but he set up the fun little 'Chief and Cortana go rogue' plot, so I'll allow it. I was groovin' around the mid-point of the game.

 

But then the game suddenly falls down the Bungie hole into noun salad, and then just keeps falling. At some point I started wondering if the game's story was an elaborate joke, because I don't know if I've ever been more baffled by anything that wasn't doing it deliberately. There's a point where Chief gets beamed up to some kind of hologram world to meet with a no-nose woman who calls herself the Librarian, which kicks off an info dump that I'm almost positive must be the result of Halo 4's lead writer having a hilarious sitcom moment with the lead writer of the Assassin's Creed series, where they bumped into eachother in a hallway and the scripts that each of them were carrying flew up into the air and got hopelessly muddled up. Ancient humans? Are there ancient humans in Halo now? What? How did it come to this? Why did it come to this? What does it add to the story of "Green Boi fights the Blarg monsters" to suddenly reveal that there were ancient humans? Why why why would you do that?

 

 

At the end of that info dump, the Librarian says that Master Chief was the result of a bajillion-year-long eugenics experiment, like the Kwisatz Haderach from Dune, and that she has to advance Master Chief to a new frontier of human evolution or something, but the end of the cutscene and subsequent immediate transition to mundane shooting gameplay afterwards was so poorly executed that I genuinely don't know if she even did it or not. How are you going to make a cutscene where your player character is evolved and then not have it be reflected in the gameplay in any way whatsoever? There's a scene later on where the Didact hits the base that Chief is on with some kind of weapon that (I think) digitized all the humans around him into computer code (I honestly don't know. Maybe it just turned them into piles of ash; it's never brought up again), but Chief is fine, and Cortana remarks that it's lucky he got evolved. I thought it was just his suit that stopped the blast. It's the only time him being evolved is mentioned after that cutscene. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE POINT OF IT WAS. Have I used the word inscrutable to describe this video game yet? Because that's the only word for the job, but I don't want to wear it out.

 

The script is bad and the storytelling is poor and the cutscene direction doesn't include the shots you need to see to understand what's happening, but somehow that isn't the worst of it. No, the worst part is that they hang all this nonsense on Master Chief, and the only thing less expressive than Chief's motionless steel face is Chief's voice actor. He is BAD IN THIS GAME. Like, God, he is awful. To the point where I feel bad for Cortana's voice actor, because she's excellent and she goes for it super hard in this game, but Chief just gives her nothing. NOTHING. There is no chemistry there. She does all the work and he is a brick wall. I simply don't believe their relationship. I see Cortana practically throwing her embarrassingly-detailed naked computer woman body at him and I just think, nope. Don't believe it. Why would she like him? There's nothing going on behind that visor. Playing as a metal automaton with a wooden robot voice was fine when Halo was just about killing the bad men and being Oscar Mike, but now that they're to Assassin's Creed it and trying to drum up a love story he just sticks out like a sore thumb.

 

There's a scene right at the end where Chief and Cortana are transported into robot heaven, which is obviously intended to be a heartfelt goodbye, but I did not buy it at all. It ends on this shot of Chief watching her fade away into nothingness that felt more comedic than anything else, like they were deliberately drawing attention to the absurdity of doing an emotional scene with a character who doesn't have a face or any emotions or any personality and isn't even moving at all. They kind of set up a razor thin character arc for Chief where Cortana mentions early in the game that he's more of a machine than he is, and then at the end of the game someone reminds him that she said it... and that's it. He doesn't actually develop as a character, but they set up the possibility that he might. Later. Off-screen. After the game is over.

 

The best, most emotional moment in the game is when you callously tell this older lady scientist that you're going to destroy her life's work and she's devastated. That actress steals the show. Chief doesn't care at all, though, and later the game melts the poor woman's skin off in grotesque close-up detail. Video games.

 

So that was Halo 4, I guess. The worst Halo. I didn't even get to talk about how I didn't enjoy fighting Prometheans, and how all the new weapons looked the same, and how they screwed up the flow of combat by having your shield take way too long to start recharging. Chief looks terrible, with a completely unappealing armour design that isn't even close to being the right colour, and 343 should have been too ashamed to even admit that they modeled Cortana as a naked waifu, let alone have her be the centrepiece of the game with her knockers hanging free and loose in every scene. I still had some fun shooting the guys, but I feel everything 343 added to Bungie's already perfected combat system just made it worse. I didn't like this game, you guys. I hope Halo 5 is better, because I'll be on to that one next.




#488760 What Are You Currently Playing?

Posted by Ocelot on 23 June 2019 - 03:39 AM

While I usually don't find myself posting here ever, I'll just say enjoy the Dark Souls series! Truth be told, they aren't as hard as anyone makes them out to be.

 

Oh, I don't know about that. I tend to think they're pretty much exactly as hard as people make them out to be. I'm playing through the Bloodborne DLC right now with my character that was comfortably overlevelled by the end of the main game, and the last few DLC bosses are absolutely stomping me flat. The last few regular enemies, too, for that matter. There's this big bipedal sharky boi who lives in the eldritch fishing hamlet full of Lovecraft fish people who is just an absolute nightmare, and to unlock one of the last weapons I need I have to fight two of them at once.

 

But, for the most part, it's a kind of difficulty you can learn how to deal with, and once you go through the absolutely brutal crucible that is getting used to how these games work, they aren't quite so intimidating any more. You learn to spot the obvious traps (like when a little scuttling loot demon runs through a doorway begging you to chase it into a suspiciously empty room, you just know it's bad news in there), and you really internalise the lesson that everything in the game can kill you if you let your guard down, and eventually you realise that you're no longer dying dying dying every five minutes like you were at the start of the game and you're actually having a pretty good time.

 

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Some of it still feels a little too punishing, though, particularly that handsome woman up there^. She's called a Winter Lantern, and she slowly wanders around the nightmare castle that serves as the main game's final level. When she hears or sees you she snaps to attention, starts glowing a warm orange, and inflicts you with a status called Frenzy which, to put it simply... kills you. Unlike your standard status afflictions like Poison, which merely makes your health drop slowly, Frenzy just instantly wipes out about 90% of your health bar, and if you don't do something about it immediately you just die. But, even then, you can do something about it. You can sneak up behind Winter Lanterns and kill them before they spot you, and there is an item that can counteract the effects of Frenzy if you pop it quickly enough, and if all else fails you can just top your health up to maximum before Frenzy hits, kill the Winter Lantern without taking any damage, let Frenzy get you and wipe out 90% of your health and then just heal back up again. It's an agonizing waste of resources and really brutal enemy design, but, y'know, that's Souls for you.

 

So, I'm still thinking I might go for this Platinum Trophy in Bloodborne. I just have to finish the DLC, go into New Game + to pick up the last weapon I'm missing (from a quest that didn't trigger properly in my first playthrough), and then I'll have nothing left but... the most difficult and time-consuming Trophy of all, which requires you to blow through like seven dungeons full of stronger versions of all the main game's bosses. Oh and one of those dungeons curses you with half your normal health bar. And it's all balanced for endgame character builds, so my big boi overlevelling won't help me. Oh well, I'm still not sick of the game yet, so I'm at least going to try it.

 

EDIT - OK, kiddoes, I think we're doing this. I think it might be happening. I beat the Bloodborne DLC today, which I really enjoyed. Three really nicely-designed levels full of horrible monsters to explore, five great bosses to bang my head against, and probably a story in there somewhere for the people who like to go looking for that kind of thing (it's all Greek to me, though :P). Now I just have one more Trophy, and I'm already making progress towards it. The Chalice Dungeons in these games are three to four semi-randomly-generated floors where you first have to look for a lever that opens a door, and then go through that door to fight a boss and unlock the elevator to the next floor down. If you're playing properly you'll be diligently exploring every last nook and cranny to kill every monster and find all the loot, but you don't have to. You can just blaze through all the levels at a hundred miles an hour, taking turns at random until you find the big purple lever that unlocks the boss gate, and basically turn the dungeon into a boss rush with some light racing in between.

 

This strategy is serving me well now that I'm in the Defiled Chalice Dungeon, where my health is cut in half and which I have to beat to unlock the final dungeon where Queen Yarnham awaits. Unfortunately, there's no way to cheese the bossfights themselves, which are pretty brutal with half a health bar. I've beaten the first of three (a fire boi) in this hellhole and now I'm steadily working out the second (a fire doggo). He's reasonably predictable, but he has at least three attacks that are tricky to dodge and can basically one-shot me, so it might take a while. But once he's done there's only one more half-health bossfight, and then three more bosses in the final dungeon (but I'll be back to full health for those), and then we're done with Bloodborne, boyeee!

 

EDIT AGAIN - We are doing this, baby! IT. IS. HAPPENING. I beat the Defiled Chalice Dungeon and all its ghastly bosses with my tiny health bar, and I unlocked the final dungeon, and I beat the first boss, and then I tried for like forty-five minutes and didn't end up beating the second one. But tomorrow is the day! I'm going to beat this horrible giant monster with no head and a giant worm that grows out of his neck stump, and then there's just one more floor after him and the very last boss is a wailing woman in a bridal gown. How hard could she be?

 

WE'RE DOING IT!




#488746 E3 2019: Whoever wins, we lose

Posted by Ocelot on 17 June 2019 - 10:44 PM

OK, well, to put this one to bed, I want to thank all of you for E3ing with me for another year. I'm sorry I couldn't have made it a better one through sheer force of will, but there are limits to even my powers of getting unreasonably hyped over what is, at the end of the day, a giant cynical marketing exercise for driving pre-order numbers.

 

E3 2019. Not a good one. But then, how does one appreciate the good E3s without the bad to which they might be compared? What I'm saying is ONLY ABOUT 355 MORE SLEEPS UNTIL E3 2020, BABY! GET HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYPE!

 

I leave you with the most succinct possible summary of this year's event:

 

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#488737 The Pokemon Thread

Posted by Ocelot on 12 June 2019 - 06:14 AM

Yeah, they could, but so far Game Freak have only ever put out patches when they really needed to fix bugs. They're not really a content update kind of developer, because they know they're always going to be selling a new game in a year or two anyway. They're also a really weird developer, and they're always doing baffling stuff like this for no conceivable reason.

 

For reference, Let's Go Pikachu and Let's Go Eevee have the same limitation where they don't have an International Dex and you can't transfer most Pokemon into the games. They never patched more Pokemon in. People didn't like that, but basically excused it because the Let's Go games were spin-offs, and surely the next 'real' Pokemon games would bring back all the Pokermen. Except now we see that Sword & Shield are going to be the same story, and maaaaybe your favourite Pokemon will be back in 2020's game, or maybe not. Gotta Catch 'em All Some of Them!




#488733 The New! HALO Thread - Hosted by Spark

Posted by Ocelot on 11 June 2019 - 08:45 PM

LOOK AT MY BOY.

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He looks so good. That's the perfect balance between action figure Chief from Halo 1 and the more realistic bumpy Chief of 2 and 3, with no sign of the "this doesn't even look like Chief any more" Chief from 4 and 5.




#488732 E3 2019: Whoever wins, we lose

Posted by Ocelot on 11 June 2019 - 06:58 PM

OK, final, official, definitive rankings of E3 2019, not counting Devolver because if we're being honest they'd win every year:

 

1. Nintendo: Not exactly an emphatic win by any stretch, but by showing up with a merely mediocre presentation they triumphed over all the outright bad ones. Lots of games, most of them coming out in 2019 and presented with actual gameplay footage, and a few tantalizing teases for 2020 and beyond. My salt levels over not seeing Bayonetta 3 after they announced it in 2017 know no bounds, but Astral Chain coming in a matter of weeks is a nice consolation prize. There are probably five or six Switch exclusives that I'd like to play before the end of the year, so I have to give them credit. That Breath of the Wild sequel is pretty much exactly what people had hoped for but nobody dared actually expect, too.

 

2. Microsoft: Everything was CG trailers for 2020 and beyond. What do they have for the rest of this year? Gears 5 with no gameplay. Ori with no gameplay. All the same shooters you can play on your PS4. With no gameplay. On the other hand, in terms of giving me a bunch of stuff I can play right now, they've actually been pretty great. They let me pay $1 to convert the 10 months of regular Game Pass I already had into 11 months of Game Pass Ultimate (which seems insane and I have no idea how they make any money on that), and a bunch of stuff to download and play right now. My grand plan to buy an Xbox and just play Game Pass games was a huge success. New backwards compatibility games, new 4K patches for stuff, and they just gave away Too Human for free to everyone. I like free stuff. Also Keanu Reeves was there.

 

3. Square-Enix: After that BLISTERING presentation for Final Fantasy VII Remake I thought they had this whole E3 in the bag, but then they just fizzled out into remasters and re-releases of old JRPGs I'm not familiar with, they didn't show Babylon's Fall, and the long-awaited reveal of their big Avengers project turned out to be, again, a CG trailer that gives no idea what the game will actually be. They talk about singleplayer campaigns and four-player co-op GaaS in the same breath, not mentioning how those things will co-exist, and they promise free updates, which means they're relying on microtransaction whales to subsidize the game for everyone else. And Cap looks terrible and apparently dies in the beginning. Did I mention Babylon's Fall wasn't there?

 

4. Bethesda: Todd came out, almost apologised for Fallout 76, and then changed the subject and pretended it was all OK. They had Shinji Mikami's protege Ikumi Nakamura, who was too pure for this world, and a new game from Arkane that might be my new favourite thing... except I don't really know what it is, because, say it with me, everything was CG trailers. They had a bunch of Elder-Scrolls-adjacent stuff that made my eyes glaze over, but Doom Eternal did look fantastic and it's still coming out this year.

 

5. Ubisoft: More like Eww-bisoft. More like Ubihard... to watch. More like WHY DID I WAKE UP AT 4am FOR THAT? Watch Dogs 3 looks like a fun time, but it's 2020, and then they just showed an endless procession of mindless Tom Clancying with like five different variations on the exact same modern military, assault-rifle-toting, picatinny-rail-'em-up GaaS rootin' tootin' looter shootin'. They aren't making a new Splinter Cell, but they featured Sam Fisher in some abysmal looking phone game about tactically murdering foreigners but it's OK because it has cartoony graphics. No Beyond Good & Evil 2. One new game that doesn't involve shooting a man, Gods & Monsters, and it was (all together now!) A CG TRAILER THAT GIVES YOU NO IDEA HOW IT PLAYS.

 

E3 2019 gets a 2/10. I have wasted hours of my life watching it, and I won't get those hours back. I will let the winner of E3 2018 render his verdict on this year's show:

 

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#488723 E3 2019: Whoever wins, we lose

Posted by Ocelot on 11 June 2019 - 10:48 AM

FFVII Remake wins Best Individual Presentation

 

Breath of the Wild sequel wins Most Surprising Announcement

 

Ubisoft wins Worst of E3

 

Bayonetta 3 and Babylon's Fall are tied for Games Ocelot is Saltiest About Not Seeing

 

Microsoft ties with Sony for Most Gameplay Shown

 

Keanu Reeves wins Most Breathtaking

 




#488695 E3 2019: Whoever wins, we lose

Posted by Ocelot on 10 June 2019 - 08:44 PM

Well, with that, we close the book on a second disappointing day of E3 2019: The Year of the CG Trailer. I was going to say that Square was in the lead so far after that FFVII presentation, but then they showed that Tom Clancy game heavy enemy type with stripes painted on him and called him Cap, and they didn't show Babylon's Fall at all, so I don't know. Maybe nobody wins E3 this year. Maybe Sony wins for having the foresight not to even show up. Maybe Nintendo swoops in and saves us tomorrow, who knows.

 

Anyway, here's a little recap of Day Two:

 

Ubisoft:

- Watch Dogs 3 looks pretty cool, but I was hoping they were going to go in a less "shoot everything" direction after WD2 and particularly with it set in London. But, nope, assault rifles sell games, so you've gotta blaze people:

 

 

- They showed so many Tom Clancies I don't even know where to begin. Ghost Recon, Rainbow Six, The Division, and now Quarantine. They're all the same game. People used to complain that all Ubisoft games were the same open world tower climbers just in different time periods, but now they're even more homogenized into modern day tactical shooters. Remember when Ubisoft used to make games like Prince of Persia? Rayman? Ubisoft doesn't. Here's Jon Bernthal and his dog, though:

 

 

- They ended on this game called Gods & Monsters, and then showed a minute-long CG trailer that doesn't give you any idea of what it is. According to previews it's a heavily Breath-of-the-Wild-inspired adventure game, so that could be pretty cool. Not coming out this year, though. Everything was 2020.

 

 

Square:

- Check out this GAME. PLAY. from FFVII Remake, with the audience reactions for extra hype. This game brought the house down; I don't even have any nostalgia for FFVII and I had fun getting swept up in it all. Game looks great, and it's coming out March 2020 with two whole Blu Rays full of Square Enix's finest and most expensive AAA-ness.

 

 

- They're doing a bunch of remasters of older games, like FFVIII, Romancing Saga, Dragon Quest, The Last Remnant. I don't really know enough about any of those games to keep them straight, but I know people are happy about that stuff.

 

- Crystal Dynamics' Avengers game seems like it might be fine, but they didn't show any gameplay so... y'know, what are we supposed to do with that? They're stuck halfway between "This is our own take on the Avengers" and "We still want that MCU splashback $$$ tho", so it pretty much apes all the iconography and style we know from the movies and comes off looking like the straight-to-DVD version of Joss Whedon's movie. If they'd showed some gameplay we could be talking about that instead, but they didn't.

 




#488686 E3 2019: Whoever wins, we lose

Posted by Ocelot on 10 June 2019 - 06:02 PM

Here we go, people!

 

 

I think YEAH Guy is back from the Bethesda conference. They're starting with FFVII Remake.

 

Full gameplay demo, baby. We're off to a good start. They're saying the first episode of FFVIIR will be on two discs, and seems like it'll just be Midgard.

 

EDIT - This actually looks way better than I thought it would. The Scorpion tank fight from the very beginning of the game is HOIYPPPPE and the music is absolutely shredding

 

EDIT - You guys I think Square might be winning E3. It might be happening. FFVII Remake was definitely the demo of the show so far.

 

EDIT - They've got an extended FFVII Remake trailer. Tifa's in it. The crowd goes wild.

 

This last ten minutes or so singlehandedly sold me on this game. That trailer was HOT FIRE:

 




#488679 E3 2019: Whoever wins, we lose

Posted by Ocelot on 10 June 2019 - 02:08 PM

k they've got a Rollerball sports game and there's a playable demo/beta thing available now. At least it's not Tom Cuh-Lancy.

 

EDIT - Yves Guillemot is here. I think that guy who called Keanu Reeves breathtaking has set a bad precedent, because now everyone is shouting at the people on stage.

 

I know I say this every year, but listening to French people speaking English and removing the 'h's from words that begin with 'h' and depositing them on words that begin with vowels is an endless delight for me. Yves said "'ello heveryone" :P

 

EDIT - There's a nice, colourful, lighthearted looking game called Gods & Monsters, which just had a 10 second CG trailer that gave no impression of how it actually played, and...

 

That's it?

 

THAT'S IT!?




#488672 E3 2019: Whoever wins, we lose

Posted by Ocelot on 10 June 2019 - 01:48 PM

D8ul0KVXYAALJ1s.jpg

 

Not like this




#488654 E3 2019: Whoever wins, we lose

Posted by Ocelot on 09 June 2019 - 06:01 PM

You guys I cannot exaggerate how nuts this crowd is. There's one frat bro dude guy who's just roaring "YEAAAH" at the top of his lungs every five seconds. Like, before they would at least wait until the speaker had stopped talking, but now it's like a constant stream of "WHOOOO YEEERRRRAAAAGH" any time they even hear any word they recognise.

 

"Elder Scr-"

 

"YEAEEAAH!"

 

"Dragon"

 

"OH MY GOD!"

 

EDIT - OK "YEAAAH" Guy has actually won me over. I'm super hyped now. This atmosphere is infectious :P