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#2661 Saber-Scorpion


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Posted 18 January 2018 - 05:07 PM

But the same argument could be made for the previous two Thor films. I'm sure that those were both infuriating for you guys


I really liked the first 2 Thor films, actually. Thought they had a cool take on Norse mythology, for the most part. The main reason I still haven't watched Ragnarok is because its creators clearly wanted it to be as little like the first 2 movies as possible, and they just shafted 90% of the supporting characters from those movies. :\



#2662 Dalton Westmoore

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Posted 18 January 2018 - 07:53 PM

Except Thor 3 was amazing so stop


Dude, I wasn't criticizing the movie, I was criticizing the fact that Hollywood can never make a good movie about religion/mythology these days.


Because it either has to be a good movie, or follow the source material, and Thor 3 clearly made its choice.

#2663 Ocelot



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Posted 24 January 2018 - 08:43 AM

I've mostly just been rewatching Star Wars movies for the millionth time, but I did find the time in between to watch some other things, too:


Life, a.k.a. the space movie from... last year, I think? With Jake Gyllenhaal and the pretty lady from the last Mission Impossible. That one: Yeah I didn't like this. I feel like this movie really came and went, because I didn't really hear anything about it before it came out and I heard nothing about it after. You'd think ol' Jakey G and Ryan Reynolds together in what seemed like a pretty big, expensive movie would have caused more of a stir, but I suppose not. I think it must have struck just the right balance of blandness that nobody could be bothered complaining about it being bad. I honestly have no memory of when it even came out; like, you could tell me any date between early 2016 and late 2017 and I couldn't disbelieve you.


It's Alien, you guys. Have you seen Alien? It's that, only with more CGI and less quality. It pretends to be something a little more cerebral at the start, but then what you thought might be science turns out to be an evil space monster, and from there it's just another "everybody dies" space horror movie. It starts off with the classic "Look at me I'm doing a tracking shot" tracking shot that I'm just a bit sick of at this point, introduces some characters who are all perfectly fine, I suppose. I don't know, it's not bad, but it just follows the space horror formula to the letter and I kind of struggled to get through it. One of those movies where you feel like you've been watching it all day and it's gotta be wrapping up soon, but then you nudge the timer and you see you're only like halfway through and you're instantly like "UUUUUUUGH". It's not even a long movie, it just feels like it is. My man Jakey G has this thankless role that he can't really do anything with, my girl What's-her-face from Mission Impossible plays another unexplainedly-Swedish-sounding Brit and doesn't get to do much of anything either. It's like they couldn't quite decide who was going to be the Ripley, so they just had two different characters be half-hearted Ripleys


I guess it has a memorable ending, in a Twilight Zone episode kind of way, but I can't really recommend watching the whole thing to get to it. Eh, I don't know, you could do worse. It's so cinematically beige that I barely even remember what movie we're talking about, to be honest, but it's an expensive-looking CGI spectacle, at least.


Thor Ragnarok: Boy this movie had a lot of jokes in it. Loooootta jokes. Jokes jokes jokes. I got a good laugh from a few of them, but the odds were such that I couldn't not; I feel like the quips actually outnumber the serious lines overall. You can't go thirty seconds without some kind of joke, whether it's a one-liner, a sight gag in the background, or just Thor himself performing an entire slapstick routine in the centre of frame while he and three other characters try to out-one-liner eachother. I guess you have to call it a comedy, since it is desperately trying to be funny 100% of the time, but I don't know if I've ever seen a movie that just does jokes jokes jokes like this before. It's just always jokes, and it becomes very predictable at a certain point. There's a part where Bruce Banner's about to jump down from a jet so he can have a big dramatic moment turning into Hulk, but you know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it isn't going to work because everything in this movie is a joke, so of course you watch him just slap into the ground pathetically without changing, and you're like, "...yep."


And I promise I'm not trying to be a sour internet 'no fun allowed' guy, either. I went along with it and I enjoyed it, but there's only so many times you can see Thor get hit in the face with something and find it hilarious. Eventually you just become a little numb to it all. So I don't think I'd ever watch it again, but was a great-looking movie and I liked all the characters. I think the characters are probably what kept it from being another Guardians of the Galaxy 2 for me, to be honest, because I don't really like any of those guys and I kind of hated that movie. Here we've got the dependable duo of Thor and Loki, Cate Blanchett and Jeff Goldblum nailing it, and Tessa Thompson actually stealing the show for me, which I really didn't expect; I'd love to see her stick around in the MCU, because she's got that charismatic action hero thing that you just can't teach. I wish they'd kept Hulk under wraps, because the movie really tries to build up his appearance as a surprise but I can't imagine anyone actually made it into the theatre to see this movie without having seen him all over every bit of promotional material. Oh well.


Thor 3's director, Taika Waititi, made another movie called Hunt for the Wilderpeople, which I also quite liked. I'd recommend watching that, too, because it's pretty good, but also because one of the characters early on (the boy's foster mother) is exactly my Mum. Well, she doesn't actually look anything like my Mum, but the voice, the accent, the mannerisms and everything she says remind me so powerfully of the woman from New Zealand who raised me that it took me right out of the movie for a little while :P


EDIT - I watched that new Cloverfield on Netflix, The Cloverfield Paradox. I didn't like it. It started off bad, got pretty enjoyable after about the twenty minute mark, but then ditched the enjoyable part all too quickly and turned into a really dull procession of the same old tropes we've seen a million times before. Big spoilsies:




It's the worst of the three Cloverfields by a mile, but, I don't know, if you've got Netflix it's right there and you've already paid for it. It won't hurt to give it a go.

#2664 Ocelot



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Posted 12 February 2018 - 08:46 AM

You guys, I just don't know any more. I think I have to do something different. I think I have to go and be a monk in the Himalayas or something. Do you think they take white guys from Australia? What is there to being a monk, anyway? I just feel like I need to get away from all this... everyday life in the Western world stuff, y'know? Hmm? What's brought all this on? Oh, I don't know. Probably a bunch of stuff. Oh, but I did just watch Justice League, though. Maybe that has something to do with it...


So a lot has been made of this movie's troubled production, how they were forced to switch directors halfway through from Zack Snyder to Joss Whedon (more or less polar opposites in style), how Henry Cavill had to come back and have his Mission Impossible moustache CGI'd away for reshoots, how the overall DC cinematic universe hasn't really been going great so far outside of Wonder Woman... You might worry whether that kind of chequered past would leave a lasting effect on the movie itself, but I'm here to tell you that, through the hard work and professionalism of everyone involved, it is 100% SUPER NOTICEABLE AND THIS MOVIE IS A STRAIGHT UP TRAINWRECK. Oh my GOD, this movie genuinely made me with I was watching Batman v Superman again, and I say that without a shred of hyperbole. Let's get into this.


Alright, so we open on an inexplicable scene of cellphone camera footage of Superman, back before Zack Snyder meaninglessly killed him off in the last movie, only something about it immediately feels off. For one thing, he's just standing around after saving people from a housefire, making polite small talk with emergency workers, when we know that this universe's Superman prefers to hover ominously in slow motion above screaming disaster victims, but that's not the big issue. No, much more distracting is his TERRIBLE CGI MOUTH that makes him look like God's horrific mistake or a half-built cyborg killbot or something equally terrifying. It's front and centre in the frame for the first full minute of the movie, and it might actually be the worst opening to a movie I've ever seen in my life. It looks so bad; you absolutely cannot concentrate on anything but Henry Cavill's CGI mouth. It would honestly be less distracting if they'd just let him keep his moustache in every reshoot scene and never explained it. It would be less distracting if they'd just painted his beard flesh-coloured. Hell, it'd be less distracting if they'd filmed all his scenes with Henry Cavill's stunt double, or just hired that guy from the 50 Shades of Grey movies to double him here and there because those two dudes look amazingly similar. Literally anything but painting a CGI mouth over Henry Cavill's actual mouth would have been better. It looks so bad. Did I mention how bad it looks?






Cut to Gotham City, where Batman is accosting a random thug on a rooftop in an action scene so poorly executed it made me wonder if Joss Whedon had directed this bit, too. It's also where we learn that the movie is going to be 16:9 rather than widescreen, which is... well, an interesting choice, I suppose. Definitely the wrong one, though; I don't know whether Joss Whedon went in and played around with all Zack Snyder's colour-grading and slow-mo moments, but this movie looks bad and the TV aspect ratio doesn't help. Whether you like it or not, that desaturated Zack Snyder look is at least a look. It's consistent. You feel like there's intent behind it, you know Snyder does it on purpose because that's the way he wants his superheroes to look. This movie has some of it, but then it'll just be completely gone in other scenes, and to be honest I actually miss it. Without that Snyder sheen you can see the seams of everything all too clearly. There are so many moments that look like behind the scenes footage of the actors in costume, rather than a bunch of superheroes, y'know? Like when Chris Evans and Chris Pratt go to visit sick kids in hospital dressed up as their characters, but without all the Hollywood makeup and the digital colour stuff that makes movies look like movies.


This movie's story is that a forgettable CGI bad guy I've never heard of, Steppenwolf, has come to Earth to gather three magic boxes that will allow him to conquer Earth. Diana huskily voiceovers some exposition about the three boxes having been hidden by the ancient races of Middle Earth the last time he was here: one by the Amazonians in a fortress on their hidden island, one by the Atlanteans in a fortress under the sea, and one by men in a small hole they dug in the forest I guess. If Steppenwolf brings the three boxes together, Earth turns into Mustafar and everyone who dies turns into Parademons, and then I guess Steppenwolf moves on to the next planet? I think he mentioned Darkseid at one point, and he keeps talking about 'Mother', but I don't know who that is and this movie makes no effort to explain it so whatevs. I've seen every episode of the Justice League cartoon and I don't know any of this stuff, so I can't imagine how meaningless this all is to Johnny Randommoviewatcher. I guess all you need to know is that Steppenwolf is the CGI man they have to punch, and the boxes are this movie's equivalent of the giant beam of light blasting into the sky that they have to disable. You know: superhero movies.


When people complain about DC trying to run before they can walk, and having the big teamup movie before ever introducing the team, I don't think you necessarily can't do it that way. I don't think it's completely impossible to have a large cast of interesting characters all introduced in the same movie; plenty of non-franchise movies manage it. It's just that DC's ones don't. Gal Gadot's Wonder Woman is still the life of the party, while Batman, Aquaman and Cyborg are all just the same gruff, miserable dude in different colours. There's this teeeerrible scene where Aquaman arrives at Atlantis for a dumb underwater fight and then he and Amber Heard have a huge exposition dump 'conversation' about his whole life up to that point. Cyborg just talks about having been in an explosion, and that's that, like it's taken for granted that we all already know the story of this D-lister who looks like a tacky gamer PC with LEDs all over his face. Flash is the same autistic-but-played-for-laughs character from every movie and TV show of the modern era, and I couldn't tell you about Superman because I was just staring at his ghastly mouth the whole time. I guess he does have a couple of moments where he feels like a real Superman, but he also goes crazy and tries to kill the whole team so I feel like that might cancel it out.


Superman is revived by one of the magic boxes, btw. This movie tries really hard to retcon the fact that Batman and Superman have only said like five words to eachother in DC movie canon; they tried to kill eachother, then Martha, then they barely spoke again in that movie until Superman died. Now we're expected to buy that Bruce feels super conflicted and guilty about it, that he considers Clark Kent a good man who was "more human than he is", which is just the worst. I didn't ask you to kill Superman in the second movie, Zack Snyder, but you made that bed and you've gotta sleep in it. This movie is basically a soft-reboot in all but name. They have a very low energy scene where the team half-heartedly argues over whether they should resurrect Superman (WW doesn't approve but doesn't offer any meaningful objection and just goes along with it anyway), and then they get down to business. Apparently resurrecting Superman involves dunking him in the goo of the crashed Kryptonian ship in Metropolis (which is still sitting there, unmoved, since Man of Steel), dropping the box into the goo, then blasting it with Flash's lightning at the instant it splashes down. Superman wakes up and immediately fights them all, and it's just a bunch of CGI slo-mo rubbish. There's one cool bit where Flash comes running in and is stunned to find Superman can follow him in super speed, but other than that there is nothing memorable about evil Superman fighting the Justice League. Honestly, how do you screw that up?


All the action in this movie is rubbish. It's all super-strength characters punching eachother for miles, and there's no way they can depict that with anything but CGI, and the CGI looks really bad, so it's just all around trash. And there's so much slo-mo! Remember when we thought Zack Snyder might be done with slo-mo when we saw Man of Steel? Here everything's slo-mo, and paradoxically it's never slower than when we're watching the Flash do something in super-speed. There's no memorable choreography, because every fight is just "character A punches character B, B crashes through seven concrete walls" ad nauseam. Batman has nothing to do in the action scenes but drive vehicles, and then at the end he gets one of the bad guys' laser rifles and just perches up on a catwalk shooting demons until his gun goes dry. You know, Batman stuff. "What should fan-favourite character Batman, noted martial artist, do in this fight, guys? Oh, shoot guys with the weapon he swears not to use? Just like he did in the last movie, too? Great idea!"


I honestly think this movie is worse than Batman v Superman, and I think that movie's like shockingly poor. I mean, at least you had some things to hold onto with BvS, y'know? The titular fight scene was pretty good until Martha, and then you had that great Batman vs. goons fight scene right after. Bruce had that shirtless scene where he was doing his powerlifting workout; that was pretty cool. I still think "Do you bleed" is a cool line, though evidently Joss Whedon does, too, because he brings it back in this movie in a reshoot scene only coming out of Superman's horrible CGI mouth this time. BvS was an awful movie, but it was... I don't know, confidently awful? Like, awful, but in a way that made you think that Zack Snyder had made it that way because he thought he was making his magnum opus or something and he just went too far down the rabbit hole. It was the kind of movie you felt like you had to see, because you just couldn't imagine how someone could botch a movie about two of the most popular fictional characters in history so badly. I don't think anyone needs to see Justice League, though. It's just the kind of innocuous bad that'll leave you feeling like you wasted two hours of your life.


At least it isn't three wasted hours, I suppose.

#2665 Ocelot



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Posted 03 March 2018 - 07:27 AM

I just watched Happy Death Day, and I really really liked it. It's an unashamed Groundhog Day ripoff, only with the trick this time being it's a catty college girl reliving the day of her murder over and over again. It's all the fun stuff of a Groundhog Day timeloop, mixed with all the fun of a tongue-in-cheek slasher movie, and I thought they nailed it.


I don't have a whole lot more to say about it than that, but if that sounds like a good time to you then I recommend you watch this bad boy.

#2666 Jociva Flcol

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Posted 10 March 2018 - 10:32 AM

Ocelot, my favorite part of this subforum is how this thread is almost basically "Movie Reviews Blog, by Ocelot" with a couple other posts here and there from not Ocelot users. :P



Click the Picture, you know you want to ;)

#2667 Ocelot



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Posted 13 March 2018 - 07:58 AM

In today's update to Ocelot's Movie Review Blog, Ocelot saw Black Panther and Annihilation, and he liked them both!


Black Panther: I think this is one of the best Marvel movies. It doesn't exactly break the mold, but it is a really well done one of these superhero movies, with a remarkably great cast of characters and a fantastic artistic style all of its own. The way Wakanda blends traditional African styles of dress and architecture with super-advanced tech is something I don't think I've ever seen before. It's a treat for the peepers. Michael B Jordan is probably the best villain in any of these movies, too, not just charisma-wise, but also in terms of a relatable motivation and a genuinely important role in the movie. He isn't just there to fight the hero and die at the end; instead he comes at things from a really interesting "right for the wrong reasons" kind of place, and for a lot of the movie I was actually rooting for him over the ostensible hero. And the movie actually intends that to be the case. It's pretty cool. MBJ's character is almost both villain and mentor in one.


I loved the cast, particularly MBJ (who's shaping up as one of the best actors around, and is also hugely buff and has a great shirtless scene), and Shuri, Black Panther's little sister played by the girl from the most recent episode of Black Mirror. She plays the tech-y hacker-y genius character, but they totally avoid all the usual "CAN YOU REPEAT THAT IN ENGLISH?" tropes and she's just an absolute delight. Andy Serkis lives up to his name as the biggest ham in Hollywood, Danai Gurira steals the show, Lupita Nyong'o  doesn't really have anything to do but I still like her. Forest Whitaker insists on over-acting and doing a way stronger accent than everyone else in the movie, but here it actually fits. I feel like the only person who doesn't really pull his weight is Black Panther himself, to be honest. He's probably the least compelling part of the movie, which is not to say that he's bad or anything, just that he plays it pretty low-key and everyone else around him is a lot... better? I don't know, it does fit with his character arc in the movie, but there's just not a whole lot to hang on to with ol' T'Challa here.


Every time Black Panther puts on the suit he looks like a cartoon, btw. I don't know what is going on with CGI in superhero movies today, but I feel like the seams are starting to show all over the place. Maybe this is just what happens when there are more and more effects-heavy blockbusters coming out every year, maybe there just aren't enough CG animators working enough man hours to make it look right any more. There's nothing here as bad as Superman's mouth from Justice League, but at multiple points this movie switches very noticeably from live-action to something more like a realistic CG-animated movie, and I guess you just have to put up with that.


I didn't know anything about Annihilation other than that it was a new sci-fi movie from the guy that made Ex Machina and it had Natalie Portman in it, and I was sold after the Ex Machina bit. I really enjoy seeing movies like this with minimal foreknowledge, so I'm going to spoilerise everything to extend you fine ladies and gentlemen the same courtesy. It's a good, thought-provoking sci-fi movie, shades of Roadside Picnic/Stalker, and I'd recommend watching it. OK let's do spoilers!



#2668 Ocelot



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Posted 03 April 2018 - 12:56 AM

I watched a Japanese action movie by the name of RE:BORN, which I very nearly loved. Oof, it was so close. I wanted to love it so badly! Look at this trailer and tell me you don't want to love this movie:



OK, so we've got Japanese action master Tak Sakaguchi. We've got Akio Otsuka, Japanese voice of Solid Snake/Big Boss. We've got Yuji Shimomura directing, whom you may know as the fellow who choreographed the action cutscenes in Devil May Crys 3 and 4 and both Bayonetta games. We've got action scenes where the main dude is straight up DODGING BULLETS, and they're playing it perfectly straight and GOD IT LOOKS SO AWESOME, am I right? Don't tell me you don't want to see that movie. Don't lie to me.


Alright, let's slow down a little. We've got Tak Sakaguchi, who these days is apparently going by 'TAK∴' (I don't know how you're supposed to pronounce that), who lives a quiet life in a small town alongside a young girl named Sachi who calls him Uncle. He frequents a psychiatrist, to whom he tells his weird PTSD dreams about only feeling alive when he kills people. He has an old friend he visits in hospital who has apparently been blinded and paralyzed in some kind of attack. Have you seen The Bourne Identity? Or, to be honest, literally any "crack special forces agent tries to live peaceful life until his violent past catches up with him" piece of fiction ever? Because it's that. This is not a movie that tries especially hard to draw you into its world. It sets up some characters and a bit of story for the first forty-five minutes or so, then the entire last half of the movie is just a huge action scene in the woods outside town, and it's amazing.


So if John Wick's trademark is the ol' Judo Shooto, Tak Sakaguchi's power is knowing when you're about to shoot him and not being there any more when you do. The movie sets up this skill of his as him being so well-trained and experienced that he knows implicitly when someone is going to fire a gun. He doesn't have the superhuman speed necessary to actually dodge a bullet, but he can read a shooter's body language like an open book, know the exact moment they're going to fire their gun, and simply not be in the way of the bullet when it comes. It's kind of goofy, but also so incredibly awesome that I can't help but love it, and it's used to such incredible effect in the movie. So many fight scenes where you're watching him just plough through dudes, then he'll just straight up dodge a bullet that you didn't even know was coming. He does stuff in the middle of a fight scene that looks kind of weird until you realise he was getting himself into a position to make two dudes shoot eachother in crossfire when he suddenly jumps out of the way, and you're like YOOOOOOOOOO! At one point the guys he's fighting shout to eachother "STOP USING THE GUNS!" because they realise they're useless against him, and then eventually the voice on their radios tells them not to treat the target as human, and you guys I can't tell you how cool this is.


So many guys get straight up ANNIHILATED in this movie, I don't even know how to describe it. Like, you can't hit this guy with bullets, so you have to get in close with your best knife moves, right? But if you get in close to him YOU ARE DEAD. Just UNGH and that's it for you. Oh, you planned on keeping all your blood inside your body today? Sorry, bro. You thought your knife was going into his neck? Nah, man. You thought he was just going to eat his microwave dinner with those chopsticks? No, first they're going inside your brain. Then he's still going to eat his microwave dinner with them. That's the kind of guy you picked a fight with. Some movie action heroes have signature weapons; in this movie Tak Sakaguchi's signature weapon is your weapon. It's like his whole martial art is based around instantly wrestling his opponent's weapon into their own throat. Just, like, whatever move is going to get your own knife into your own jugular, that's what he's going to do to you, and no matter how fast and clever you think you are, he's faster.


Pure blinding speed is woefully under-represented in martial arts movies, mostly due to the fact that most humans don't actually move that fast, but also because of the awful prevalence of slow-motion camera rubbish that ruins everything every single time (ask me if I'm bitter :P). But every now and then you find a small Asian man who actually can move that fast, and you pair him up with a director who knows that faster is better when it comes to fight scenes, and you get a work of art like this movie. While there is a little bit of slow-motion here and there, it's always used for dramatic purposes rather than to hit the brakes on an otherwise exciting action scene. Tak Sakaguchi dodges dozens of bullets in this movie, and not a single one happens in slow-motion! He moves so fast I always found myself wanting to pause and rewind, but by the time I'd found the remote he would have killed three more guys. IT'S SO GOOD YOU GUYS OH MY GOD!


Alright, so why didn't I love love this movie? Well, ultimately it's the same complaint I have about the first John Wick: it's like 80 minutes minutes of absolute perfection... stretched out to a 100 minute movie. The fight scenes are pure gold until they get too carried away towards the end and have Tak Sakaguchi fight like forty guys at once, and you can clearly see all the guys in the background just politely waiting their turn to run in and get killed because they couldn't think of any better choreography for them. The big final fight at the end (against a fellow agent hilariously named 'Abyss Walker', a codename that is a couple of 'x'es and a 420 away from being every 14 year old edgelord's gamertag) also crosses the line from 'cool martial arts' into 'this looks ridiculous'. They both do this goofy half-Capoeira kind of wiggly woogly dance move and slap at eachother in a way you could never take seriously. Made-up martial arts in movies are kind of a crapshoot, because for every brilliant Drunken Boxing style there are ten that just look stupid. Remember when Christopher Nolan's Batman used to hold his fists up by his temples like he had a bad headache when he fought? This one unfortunately sits plainly in the 'dumb' category.


So it's not quite a perfect hit, but God it's a good one all the same. I don't know how to actually get ahold of this movie in the West (I had to blind buy the Blu Ray from the UK), but if you're into movies where like a hundred guys get their throats cut and don't care about stories or character development so much, I would highly recommend tracking it down. Did I mention that they dressed Akio Otsuka exactly like Big Boss?




I also watched Brawl in Cell Block 99, which I think was pretty good. I can't really say I liked it, because it's not exactly the kind of movie you can like, but it's a well-made movie that I found very watchable, at the very least. It's about Vince Vaughn, a small time drug runner whose well-meaning principles get him into a situation that goes from bad to worse, then even worse, and just when you think it's at its worst it gets worse again. This is a movie where "you're going to go to prison and miss the birth of your daughter" is just step one.


So I'm not going to get into the particulars, because it's incredibly dark and depressing, and this probably isn't a movie to watch if you're having a good day. It's from the same director as Bone Tomahawk, and while the violence isn't quite as mentally-scarring as that movie's (seriously, there's a thing in Bone Tomahawk that I'll never forget as long as I live), it's still pretty shocking. But, at the same time, there's a certain tongue-in-cheek black humour to all of it; it's a kind of heightened reality where things are horrific, but maaaaybe not that horrific? Kinda? This movie is a little bit more intentionally schlocky than I thought it was going to be, and certain moments are so over-the-top they verge on parody. By the end the movie turns into classic grindhouse absurdity, but in a good way.


I liked it. I don't know if I'd recommend it, but I liked it. 

#2669 Dalton Westmoore

Dalton Westmoore

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Posted 14 April 2018 - 07:07 PM

I saw Black Panther a while back. I'd say that it's my third favorite Marvel movie, right after Guardians of the Galaxy and Winter Soldier. If the thing I hated the most about a movie was the dead meme that they forced into it, then I think its a really good movie.


On the other end of the spectrum, my family is currently waiting for the Netflix copy of Justice League to arrive so we can watch it. While looking up Parademons (i.e. the cgi minions), I discovered this picture that I had to compare to a similar scene I found:




I want to give this movie a fighting chance, God knows DC deserves it, but stuff like makes it more and more apparent that Justice League is just the Avengers with half the effort put into it.

#2670 Spark


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Posted 27 April 2018 - 11:36 PM

Holy Christ.

Infinity War, y'all.

Just....damn. Can't words. Need time.

Hype has been lived up to and then some.


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#2671 Ocelot



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Posted 04 May 2018 - 11:31 PM

You guys, we have so much to talk about! With no internet for the past 12 days, watching stuff has been the only thing keeping me sane, so here are those things I watched:


Avengers: Infinity War: I liked it. Those Russo Brothers know how to put a movie together, to say the least. Infinity War manages to cram in a million billion characters, a story that is perfectly follow-able, and one of the very rare big dumb CGI villains who actually has some meat on his character bones, into a paltry 150ish minutes (which is, at this point, barely longer than average for a superhero movie). Not everyone gets a character arc (there's one very major character that got the short end of the stick, which I'll get to later), and we all know that this is just part one of the story so the things that happen at the end aren't going to stay that way for all that long. But, overall, I think it's great.


Them there Marvel movies get a lot of flak for having dull, unmemorable villains, but between Killmonger and Thanos they're doing pretty well lately. It's pretty remarkable how good Thanos is compared to, say, the other big CGI man with a famous guy's voice from the other camp's big CGI hero teamup movie. What was Steppenwolf's plan again? He wanted to get the three Dragonballs to terrafom Earth into CGI land because... that was his thing, I guess? I know they hired Ciaran Hinds to play him, but I'll be good and goshdarned if I can remember a single line he spoke. I have no idea why he was doing what he was doing, or where he came from, or, like, what his deal was. What does that guy do when he isn't punching people through walls? I guess we'll never know, because... wait, is he dead? They killed him, right? With the power of friendship? I did see Justice League, right?


Maybe a fairer comparison would be Thanos and Ultron, in the great 'CGI villain with famous voice' stakes. Ultron was an OK villain in a pretty good movie, but he was still just a bad guy that the good guys have to punch to death at the end. Thanos, on the other hand, almost feels like the main character of Infinity War. He has a backstory, motivations, a character arc, a personality. He doesn't just want to kill everyone, he wants to kill half of everyone, and that's just unusual enough that you can't help but wonder why. And when you do start wondering, not only does this movie give you a pretty interesting (if psychotic) motivation for his madness, but then it even explains why he came to think that way in the first place. He's a bad guy who is fully aware of the enormity of what he's doing, but is willing to take on that burden in service of what he feels needs to be done, and he makes for a pretty interesting watch. He's also one of the better-looking CGI monster men in movies, I think. Not as good as Snoke, but still a pretty convincing big purple dude. Sometimes his lips look a little weird, but never in the same league as Henry Cavill's Justice League lips :P


The story splits our buds up into a few different teams, each of which deal with their own little sub-plan to try and thwart Thanos, and the movie does a pretty great job of keeping plates spinning and moving things along at a good pace. Each subplot feels important and necessary to the plot, none of them drag (Thor getting a new hammer forged comes close, though), and the best part is that the characters are divided up into just the right groups for some fun tomfoolery along the way. I really just don't like the Guardians of the Galaxy, but pairing them up with Thor and a few other characters I do like made them a lot more palatable. We've been waiting for some of these schmucks to meet eachother for years, and the Russo Brothers do a fantastic job of capturing each characters unique voice from their solo movies (something that I don't think Joss Whedon ever did well in his Avengers movies).


There's not enough Cap, though. Call it a petty complaint if you will, but Cap's my guy and he is woefully underused here. What's up, Russo Brothers? Did you forget who got you the top job? Did you forget who pulled you out of directing sitcom episodes? Captain. America. Maybe he'll have a bigger part in Avengers 4, but it'll never make up for this outrage. Also I don't think anyone takes their shirt off in this movie. Unforgivable.


I'll do some quick spoilery bits, but long story short it's a good movie and I liked it:



#2672 Randomman96


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Posted 17 May 2018 - 08:07 PM

Smell that?  Smells like chimichangas are cooking.  


Whether if it was from bad decision making or someone's family was being held, the theater near my home held a Deadpool double feature today in honor of Deadpool 2 releasing tomorrow.  That's twice the maximum suggested serving size of the merc with a mouth in one night.  


Because Deadpool 2 isn't technically fully out yet, I will refrain from writing much about it.  All I will say is this:  


Go see it.  Don't think, just do.  If you have seen Deadpool 1, go see it.  If you haven't seen Deadpool 1, go see it.


#2673 Ocelot



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Posted 23 May 2018 - 12:21 AM

I was all ready to love Deadpool 2, but then it went and pulled a really dumb stunt in the first ten minutes that totally put me off, and for the rest of the movie I was just sort of... eh, whatever, bruh. I mean, I still enjoyed it, and it's still a fun time with some good laughs, but in terms of tone I don't really think they got it. I'm OK with it being 100% dumb all the time, but it isn't; it tries to be serious sometimes, too, and every time it did I couldn't help but think "Oh no baby what is you doing?".


But, yeah, action's good, jokes are mostly funny, lots of good stuff in there. Domino stole the show for me. I've been just a liiittle bit completely in love with Zazie Beetz since seeing her on Atlanta (did you see that one where she speaks fluent German? Oh my gaaaaaawd), and she's great in this movie. I'd honestly rather have a Domino 2 than a Deadpool 3; her powers are way more fun to watch and it's so refreshing to see a superhero who's just kind of fun and happy-go-lucky without needing to shout a meme into the camera every time they're on screen like a certain red and black fellow who may or may not be the main character of this movie.


OK here's some spoiler-y bits:




EDIT - I just realised I forgot to talk about a bunch of different stuff I watched ages ago, so lemme just run through these bad boys quickly before they leak out of my useless brain forever:


Search Party: It's a show about vapid New York millennials, one of whom (played by Maebe from Arrested Development) takes it upon herself to search for a missing person she kinda sorta knew from college. It starts off as a comedy but pretty quickly turns into a black comedy, and then the second season kind of drops the comedy to become an almost uncomfortably tense thriller. It's pretty good. I should mention that I blasted through both seasons in like three days, just leaving it on in the background and focusing in when my lizard brain detected it getting juicy, and that approach tends to smooth over any problems that might be there, so I don't know if it's amazing or anything, but I liked it.


The Night Manager: Tom Hiddleston's audition reel for James Bond, basically. He's a former hotel night manager, recruited by MI6 to infiltrate the entourage of Hugh Laurie, a famous humanitarian who secretly runs a huge evil gun-running empire supplying all manner of terrorism-enabling weaponry to bad guys. It's decent, but nothing to write home about, really, and I don't think Hiddleston has what it takes to be Bond. He's too... I don't know, reedy? Dorky? A couple of times in this series people will throw things to him, and he catches them like a huge nerd who has to concentrate super hard to catch things, not like a cool spy who can do that kind of thing effortlessly, y'know? James Bond catches things casually in one hand, not by panicking and clutching them against his chest with both hands. Try harder, Hiddleston.


Atlanta: k, I know it's passe to bring up Donald Glover being an artistic genius who can do everything at this point, but he is a really cool guy who makes good stuff. Season 1 of Atlanta is a great show about a guy struggling to manage his cousin's fledgling rap career, and then Season 2 is that... but also sometimes they'll just do a totally random episode about a single character that has nothing to do with anything else, and it's still great! It reminded me of Louis CK's show, where he started off with kind of a standard "watch Louis get dunked on by life" thing and then steadily went off the deep end into avant-garde rubbish as the seasons went on, except where Louis CK's show ended up unwatchable, Donald Glover's show just gets better. Also, Donald Glover didn't turn out to be a pervert :P


Happy Valley: I LOVE THIS SHOW! I saw a recommendation that likened it to Broadchurch, which is what drew me to it in the first place, but I think this might actually be even better than Broadchurch was. Happy Valley is an English cop show set in Halifax, which is oop North where people just "go pub" instead of "go to the pub", about a uniformed Sergeant in her 50s named Catherine Cawood who is the most put-upon character I've ever seen. She's burdened with raising the nightmare son of her daughter who was raped and hanged herself, while simultaneously trying to rescue a local girl who's been kidnapped by none other than the recently-paroled animal who raped her daughter and fathered said nightmare son. She's the kind of person who unconsciously makes everyone else's problems her own, trying to help wherever she can, and she's just a fantastically-written character; heavily-flawed (heavily), but also fiercely clever, dogged, and played by an absolutely amazing actress named Sarah Lancashire. I watched the whole two seasons of the show with my Mum, who's the most voracious consumer of BBC cop dramas you'll ever meet, and we couldn't get enough of this thing. It's the kind of show that's just so intense that you almost regret even starting it, because you know you aren't going to be able to think about anything else until it's done. There are two six-episode seasons at the moment, and they're excellent, and hopefully there'll be a third at some point in the future. Ooh it's good.


Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri: Eeeeeeh... I can see why Frances McDormand got the Oscar for this movie, since she's fantastic in it, but it's a really long, meandering movie that just sort of ends after a while and leaves you thinking... OK, I guess? It's fine, I suppose. It's the kind of thing you enjoy while you're watching it because the performances are good, but at the back of your mind you're thinking "OK, but what's next?", and then you get to the end and you find out that that's all there was. 


The Handmaid's Tale: This show is really good, but it's terribly depressing and I always feel like I want to stop watching it because I can't take it. The last episode I watched had Peggie from Mad Men just about to escape her nightmare life of being raped until she can pop out a baby for her assigned governor of the barbaric religious theocracy that was once known as America by flying over the border in a light plane, until the powers that be basically pull her back to Earth by the plane's tail fin, and I haven't seen an episode since because I just can't take it.

#2674 Sephsekla


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Posted 25 May 2018 - 09:57 AM

Deadpool 2 was great other than


I did however love


Nothing is true. Everything is permitted.
Except cancelling Firefly. Because that's just not cool.

#2675 Randomman96


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Posted 28 May 2018 - 07:30 PM




#2676 Ocelot



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Posted Yesterday, 01:18 AM

I enjoyed that new Tomb Raider for about the first forty minutes. They went with this interesting story where Lara is living by the skin of her teeth as a bike courier in London, with a team of spunky young friends with interesting haircuts. Alicia Vikander's accent is shaky, but she still does posh better than Camilla Luddington from the new games, and she's immediately a lot more lively and likable. She's showing off her sweaty sixpack at an MMA gym, she's showing off her smarts in a bike race through the city streets (that's actually surprisingly well-shot and exciting), and you're immediately drawn in to the mystery of why our favourite rich girl is out there scrambling around for money.


Unfortunately, it becomes a completely different movie once Lara gets to the spooky island. Those spunky friends from the beginning? We never see them again. Instead, we just sit through a checklist of every major action setpiece from the 2013 game, in what is basically an hour of Lara vs. the CGI Animators. The rusty old WW2 bomber, parachuting through the forest, getting impaled on a tree branch, finding a bow, etc etc. They even copy Game Lara's laughably quick transition from reluctant, "What have I done?" self-defence killer to unflappable murder machine, but somehow they do it even worse in the movie! Nothing is given any time to breath, nothing is given any special care, and I'm pretty sure they only had a couple of shooting locations to work with because the big jungle island looks suspiciously like the same two or three places over and over again.


The final act turns into Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade remade by amateurs, with a short reprise of Lara vs. the CGI Animators for good measure. They try to do all the fun riddle-solving and ancient-mechanism-activating scenes, but they forget to establish where Lara gets all the information she needs to solve the puzzles, so she just suddenly starts chanting these "The penitent man will pass"-style cryptic hints that we've never heard before, and rotating these big gear wheels without telling us why she's doing it. They talk a big game about this ancient cursed Japanese Queen who was exiled to this island, and how her thousand servants all killed themselves to protect her in the afterlife, and then they do the least-interesting thing they could do with that setup.


It's just a big load of rubbish, you guys. It has all the hallmarks of a movie that's been rewritten ten times, with bits and pieces from earlier drafts still left over in the finished product but without all the connective tissue they need to make sense, chopped to pieces in the editing room and then sent out to hopefully make some money off the brand name. I wouldn't recommend it.

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