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#2641 Sir_Muffonious

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 09:23 AM

Zootopia was a net positive but it had some dicey messaging too. Racism is bad but you know the fox is one of the good ones because he...becomes a cop? ok. And that sloth scene, man.

 

Castlevania was surprisingly good. Love a good anti-Catholicism, pro-Dracula toon. I was surprised they ended it where they did but I guess they were just testing the waters for the real deal? Also it's one of those shows that gets a weird kick out of its excessive gore.

 

I just watched the King of Comedy for the first time in a few years and man is that one of Scorcese's underrate gems. Taxi Driver gets a lot of credit and this is nearly the same movie except it's not so dire and doesn't take itself half as seriously. There's a sort of weird idolization of Travis Bickle in our pop culture that neglects the fact that he's kind of a big racist, and the King of Comedy tells a similar story about delusions and loneliness without the uncomfortable monologues about "scum" and "cleaning up the streets" while showing exclusively shots of Black people.

 

Oh and the new season of BoJack Horseman is good. When that show started I never would have guessed that it would be any good. It's funny, clever, emotionally resonant, not overtly mean or punching down, and the characters have great arcs. Every new season makes me rewatch the whole show.


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#2642 Sareth

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 01:12 PM

Castlevania was surprisingly good. Love a good anti-Catholicism, pro-Dracula toon. I was surprised they ended it where they did but I guess they were just testing the waters for the real deal? Also it's one of those shows that gets a weird kick out of its excessive gore.

 

Have you seen Hellsing Ultimate? Cause if not, you should.


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#2643 Dalton Westmoore

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 01:17 PM

Love a good anti-Catholicism, pro-Dracula toon. 

 

Remove the Dracula part and you've got pretty much every dark manga/anime ever. :P

 

You know, somebody needs to tell Japan the World that we understand that the Church (Catholic and otherwise) has done a lot of crappy things in the past, but come on it gets so predictable and boring after, what, the first time you see it?



#2644 Sir_Muffonious

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 09:48 AM

The pro-Dracula bit is essential IMO.


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#2645 Ocelot

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Posted 23 September 2017 - 07:57 AM

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I like to watch movies, you guys, and I like to complain about them when they're bad, but one thing I try to avoid is questioning the basic premise. I don't like to go looking for plot holes, because I just don't think there's any value in that. Once you start asking "Why didn't the characters do x thing that I as the omniscient viewer have decided was the correct move?", the whole artifice of movie-making falls down. Why didn't Gandalf just ask the Eagles to fly over Mt Doom so he could slam dunk the Ring in there? Because then there'd be no movie, of course. Congratulations, your clever deduction has robbed the world of a beloved work of fiction, I hope you're happy. At a certain point you just have to accept that the movie is what it is, and then evaluate accordingly. By all means, tear this hypothetical movie to pieces for executing its premise badly, but digging too deep isn't going to get you anywhere.

 

However, sometimes a movie comes along that is so dumb as to be impossible to watch passively without being driven to despair. I suspect Prometheus was just that for a lot of people, but I found enough to like in that movie that I still really enjoyed it (at least until I watched it again at home). But then Ridley Scott went and made a sequel to Prometheus and inexplicably doubled down on every inscrutably stupid thing about the original, and oh my God I wanted to scream. Ladies and gentlemen, let's talk about Alien Covenant.

 

We start aboard a spaceship called... I don't know, the S.S. Bad Decisions, a big ol' floating fridge full of cryosleeping future settlers of a colony planet. Due to some random space explosions, some of the space gizmos break and the crew is thawed to solder things back together so they can go on with the journey. James Franco is in the movie for three seconds to burn up inside his sleep pod, for some reason. It's during the repairs that the crew pick up a mysterious signal coming from a nearby planet, which they realise is a human voice singing, and then make the first in a long line of inexplicably dumb, utterly unrelatable decisions in this movie: they go and investigate.

 

OK, so check it out. Colony ship. Thousands of frozen colonists on board, even more frozen embryos, all kinds of flora and fauna to populate the new planet with, and presumably the materials to build a bunch of stuff. The crew has repaired the damage to the ship, and all they have to do is pop back into their pods and sleep their way on to their destination planet. Presumably they are all absolutely forbidden from deviating from this plan in any way, both by whatever contracts they signed when accepting the job, and by, oh my God, the common sense they all share as human beings. You absolutely cannot risk thousands of lives to go and check out a signal in the middle of space! And let me clarify here that it isn't even a distress signal, it's a woman's voice singing a John Denver song. A recording, no less! Not even a live transmission! Yet not only do they deviate from the original plan, they straight up abandon it, on the grounds that if this planet can be the source of a recorded signal of a human woman, IT'S PROBABLY A BETTER PLANET FOR ALL THE COLONISTS TO LIVE ON THAN THE ONE THEY PLANNED TO LAND ON.

 

I am not joking. This happens ten minutes into the movie. A crew running a spaceship full of colonists decides, on a whim, to go and land on a different planet instead. One they've never seen or heard of before, and have no evidence is even remotely habitable. Because, sure, why not, right? I mean, the original goal planet was vetted and confirmed as an ideal home and all, but to get there they'd have to go through all the hassle of lying down in their pods and then getting up again without perceiving that any time had passed, and who can be bothered? Definitely a better idea to divert, again, THOUSANDS OF SLEEPING HUMAN BEINGS to check out this new planet that's, y'know, probably not a horrible nightmare world. I mean, what are the odds of it being a horrible nightmare world? Slim, right? Probably slim.

 

OH WAIT IT WAS A HORRIBLE NIGHTMARE WORLD. And, like, it doesn't even pretend not to be. As soon as they arrive they can see a giant, apocalyptic thunderstorm covering the whole planet, but our intrepid heroes don't even bat an eyelid. When they barely make it through the storm in their landing craft and find the terrain so harsh and rocky that they have to land in the water? Eh, that's probably fine, right? Before they even reach the source of the signal, one of the crew sets to work on an ecology report, so convinced are they that this is definitely their new home. Remember how stupid it was when the scientists in Prometheus popped their helmets off to breathe the air on their planet without even checking if there might be horrible pathogens everywhere? The crew in Covenant never even put helmets on. They just leap out of the ship, ready to go exploring; I'm pretty sure nobody ever even mentions the idea that this planet might not have breathable air.

 

So like five minutes in someone sucks down a nice lungful of evil spores, and then all the characters compete with eachother for the rest of the movie to see who can make the worst decisions. It turns out that this is the planet that Michael Fassbender and Noomi Rapace landed on after escaping at the end of Prometheus, and Fassbender has been conducting evil experiments with the evil goo in his spare time when he isn't bending fass. Noomi Rapace dies off-screen between movies, by the way, in case anyone was wondering. I think she's the only character with less screentime than James Franco. Fassbender lives in an evil castle, and he invites our heroes in to stay with him so he can trick them into getting killed by his alien concoctions. Well, I say 'tricked'; it's more like he just asks them nicely, and they comply because they're the worst-written characters in recent memory. He just tells one dude to touch a Facehugger egg, gently reassures him that it's perfectly safe when it opens menacingly, and then encourages him to stick his face right in it, and the guy just does it.

 

Up until this point, the big colony ship has been safe up in orbit while only a few of the crew went down to the planet, so at least these maniacs haven't actually killed every human being they were contracted to safeguard, right? Well, try this on for size: the crew of the S.S. Bad Decisions is entirely made up of married couples. I assume this was a company-wide mandate established by the CEO of Bad Decisions Corp, Chad L. Baddecisions Jr. Because, of course, there's a husband aboard the ship and his wife down on the planet, and despite repeated demands from his crewmates that he not do it, assurances from the ship's computer that the ship will literally fall apart if he does it, he does it anyway. Yep, let's just fly that puppy right down into the storm where its massive bulk can be torn apart by hurricane-force winds, all so you can get a clearer radio signal down to the surface to find out if your wife's OK. What could possibly go wrong?

 

I don't even know what to say any more. Usually the idea of an "everyone dies" horror movie is that the people were trying not to die, but every decision that every character makes in this movie is solely for the purpose of being gruesomely murdered. You can't possibly relate to any of these schmucks, not just because they're paper-thin stereotypes whose names you probably won't even catch, but because none of them even seem the slightest bit interested in staying alive. Why should I care about them if they don't care about themselves? Am I supposed to be pleased when a couple of them accidentally live until the end of the movie by sheer dumb luck? Katherine Waterston's character is the only one who makes anything approaching a wise choice, but the rest of these schmucks might as well have just walked out into space without suits on at the start of the movie.

 

What a stupid, stupid movie. Just absolute rubbish. I didn't even mention the excruciatingly long setpiece where they try and escape the planet on some kind of cargo lifter ship thing that can't fly properly for some reason and wobbles around insanely as if it can't produce enough lift to get off the ground (shouldn't a cargo lifter without any cargo on it be really powerful?), or the bit where they try and outdo the chestburster scene from the original Alien and somehow make it worse even with 38 years of technological progress in special effects. This movie made me genuinely upset. What a load of utter garbage.



#2646 Ocelot

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Posted 05 November 2017 - 08:19 AM

Well, Atomic Blonde was a big disappointment. I went in hoping for a lady John Wick, but I ended up getting just a miserable slog of a late-'90s wannabe-Tarantino tonal-mish-mash spy movie that thinks it's really clever but is really just... boring. And miserable. And dull. Did I say miserable? I kind of hated it.

 

I think the most disappointing thing is that Charlize Theron is just awful in it. I really like her, and she's already showed that she can carry a movie as an awesome female action hero with Mad Max Fury Road. She's so good as Furiosa, and she's usually so good in other stuff, too (remember her on Arrested Development? She was incredible!), but in Atomic Blonde she just plays the most boring, lifeless, emotionless cardboard cutout this side of your average Scarlett Johansson action movie character. She holds one facial expression throughout the entire movie, does her best to conceal all emotion, speaks every line of dialogue in a slow, measured tone... she's just so excruciatingly boring. And she can't do a convincing English accent, either, which is weird because I'm sure she's done one in the past. Here she can't even hold it together for a whole sentence.

 

With a plot that's mostly just a confusing series of plot twists about some Cold War double agent stuff that really isn't very interesting, the movie really needed a strong performance from the main character. The supporting characters try, I guess. James McAvoy chew some scenery, John Goodman is wasted as a CIA guy who doesn't do anything, Sofia Boutella (a.k.a. Sophie Boots) acts Charlize off the screen by showing some actual emotions and being believable as a human being. I thought we were past this idea that a 'Strong Female Character™' had to be an emotionless robot.

 

But there is an incredible action setpiece in the middle of the movie which almost makes the whole thing worthwhile. It's one of those faux-single-take action scenes people are so fond of these days, where it's shot on handheld camera and they hide the cuts really well with some sneaky tricks to make it look like a single ten-minute-long take. Yes, really, ten minutes. It goes and goes and goes, and it's really well done. It feels pretty out of place in the movie, very "Look at me, I'm doing a thing", but it's definitely the best part of the whole endeavour. Charlize has this beautifully messy knock-down, drag-out fight against a bunch of dudes all the way down the stairwell of a building, then out into a car, and just when you think it's all over it gets a little bit car-chase-y for good measure. I don't really think any of the other fight scenes in the movie are worth writing home about, with some perfectly mediocre choreography and framing, but if you can find that stairwell fight scene on Youtube one of these days I'd definitely recommend it.

 

This movie was directed by one half of the pair of former stuntmen who co-directed the original John Wick. It seems they split up after that, with Chad Stahelski going on to do John Wick 2 and David Leitch making Atomic Blonde. I don't want to be too presumptuous about the process of how these here Hollywood moving pictures are made, but, well, Chad Stahelski seems like the better one. #TeamStahelski

 

But you know what was pretty good? Spider-Man Homecoming. It wasn't life-changing or anything, but I enjoyed it. Really well cast, with a cast full of mostly-unknown actual kids playing the kids, and a nice pace that kept me having fun all the way through. Atomic Blonde felt like it took a whole day to get through, for comparison; Spider-Man was a full half hour longer and it just flew by. I'm no Spider-Man connoisseur, and I'm sure dissertations have already been written on which 99% identical croaky-voiced white guy was the best one, but I like Tom Holland the most. He brings to the role a certain inimitable quality, which I think is best described as "not being a thirty-year-old man playing a High School student". 

 

It's also really nice that they totally skipped the origin story this time. This movie feels right at home in the Emm See You, where the general feeling is to just get on with it and not worry about having to re-adapt classic comic book characters because they're too colourful and not mature enough. This movie is about a child dressed as a spider fighting an old man dressed as a bird; it's light-hearted and fun, and it also has Jennifer Connelly playing the robot voice inside Spidey's suit so you should probably see it.

 

(Cap's in it, too, and his parts are hilarious :P)



#2647 Dalton Westmoore

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Posted 06 November 2017 - 12:54 PM

Here is a list of movies that I saw a while back, ranked from best to worst, before I talk about movies/tv shows that I really want to talk about:

 

Spoiler

 

So, I saw Spider Man Homecoming on my birthday and it was awesome. My only complaints about it were brought up in the Honest Trailer for it.

 

Then, we have Wonder Woman, and boy do I have a bunch of complaints about that movie:

 

Spoiler

 

Though, even after all of my nitpicking, it's still the best DCU film they've made yet.

 

Voltron: Legendary Defender has some new episodes. I checked them out, and they were okay.

 

And, I finally, I started to binge Disney's Star Wars the Clone Wars, since the last time I tried to watch all the way through it, I never got past the first season and I was twelve or something.

 

The stories are fine and all, but the art style makes me want to gouge out my eyes with a spoon. It looks like a 3d version of the Genndy Tartakkovsky Clone Wars Mini-series, which works for some characters, but it definitely doesn't work for others. Honestly just mad that their's is canon and the Genndy one isn't, even though it's much better. Maybe Disney legendised it because it didn't have enough cringy prequels dialogue.



#2648 Randomman96

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Posted 25 November 2017 - 09:26 PM

So Justice League.  That was.....    A movie.  

 

 

If you are debating on going to it, here's my advice:

Don't.  Just don't.  Don't even think about it.  Just don't.  It is back to Snyder's crap, not whoever did Wonder Woman.

 

 

(I also want to add, I was not even planning to see this anyway.  I went in with low expectations and it STILL FAILED TO CLEAR.  I only went because my dad offered, it was in an IMAX Cinema, I didn't have anything to do that day, and I could get a really good burger afterwards.)


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#2649 broons

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Posted 26 November 2017 - 07:17 PM

I also just saw JL.

 

It wasn't as bad as people make it out to be.  It was rushed, and it was a lot of CGI and the villain wasn't really well fleshed out.  If the movie could've been the full 3 hours it was intended to be it'd of been a lot better.

 

But it wasn't the most awful thing ever.  And Batfleck continues to impress the hell outta me.


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#2650 Ocelot

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Posted 26 November 2017 - 11:30 PM

I finished watching the new Netflix Punisher show last night, and I really liked it. I think it's probably the best of the Marvel Netflix shows, which have so far ranged from pretty good to shockingly poor. Up until now they've always had this feeling of having maybe 8 episodes' worth of plot stretched out into 13 episode seasons, so you end up with silly situations like Jessica Jones capturing Killgrave like five times over the course of the series and him just happening to escape every time because they obviously can't do the final showdown until the final episode. Then there was The Defenders, which actually was only eight episodes, but was just such a load of rubbish that I wanted it to end sooner.

 

Punisher is just a good, enjoyable, well-paced, well-written show. Great actors, characters I liked a lot; I feel like it could have done well even without a popular super hero's name attached to it. I was interested not because I like the angry man with the skull on his shirt, but because the show was actually telling me an interesting story, y'know? And also I like the angry man with the skull on his shirt. 

 

Though, to be honest, I do wish he'd shot about twice to three times as many guys as he did. There's not really a lot of action in the show, and it's something I had to come to terms with. I mean, he does shoot guys, and when the violence does break out it's pretty well done; not the John Wick goodness I'd hoped for, but some very respectable shooting of men. He gets up to some extremely Punisher-y stuff in the last couple of episodes, and the way he deals with the final bad guy was... boy, yep, it was a thing alright. Buuuut, he also spends a good deal of the show wrestling with the same sort of hand-wringing dilemmas you could write for practically any brooding superhero, and I just wonder if that's really the best use of the character. Like, you don't come to a Daredevil show to not watch him punch a bunch of guys he can't see, right? I'm all for delving deeper into the psychology of the men in the comic books, but let's not get too into sniffing our own farts here, right? I still want to see them kung fu fighting eachother.

 

Jon Bernthal is such a great Punisher, though. He has that certain kind of masculinity where you can tell at a glance that he knows you have to crack the nuts before you jack the car up, and that he doesn't have to spend five minutes psyching himself up to call a stranger on the phone. He's not one of those actors who has to act manly, he just... y'know, is a man, and he has really great chemistry with pretty much everyone else on the show. Even when he's being kind of a jerk, you believe that people would still want to hang around him. He and his friend Micro in particular have some of the best scenes in the whole show.

 

I've also watched the first few episodes of Stranger Things season 2, and I'm enjoying that a lot, too. I'm one of the people who was a bit disappointed that the first season ended with a big hint towards a second season, because I was really hoping they might do more of an anthology series kind of thing, but I think I was just plain wrong about that. It's nice seeing the old crew back again.



#2651 Sephsekla

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Posted 28 November 2017 - 10:57 AM

And, I finally, I started to binge Disney's Star Wars the Clone Wars, since the last time I tried to watch all the way through it, I never got past the first season and I was twelve or something.
 
The stories are fine and all, but the art style makes me want to gouge out my eyes with a spoon. It looks like a 3d version of the Genndy Tartakkovsky Clone Wars Mini-series, which works for some characters, but it definitely doesn't work for others. Honestly just mad that their's is canon and the Genndy one isn't, even though it's much better. Maybe Disney legendised it because it didn't have enough cringy prequels dialogue.

Honestly, the first couple of seasons are very hit and miss. It's season 3 where the art gets better, plot gets tighter and everything really comes together.

Has anyone been watching The Orville? I was expecting Family Guy in space, but honestly it's pretty much a straight Next Generation clone with a few jokes here and there.

I really love it.
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#2652 Spark

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Posted 03 December 2017 - 12:04 AM

Orville is great. The first two eps were good, but 3 was when it started to smell like something special.

 

On the subject of shows, I just finished a week madhouse binge of Longmire. It certainly filled the Justified-shaped hole in my heart, only now it's there again, because I ran out of Longmire to watch ;-;.


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#2653 Ocelot

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Posted 07 December 2017 - 05:24 AM

Stranger Things season 2 was great! I liked it a lot more than the first season, which I thought was pretty good but never quite loved. They added some great new characters, and I was enthralled in the story this time around. It feels like they came into their own this time; the first season felt really derivative of '80s movies in a way that was too memberberries for me, but season 2 feels like a much more self-confident thing, able to stand on its own without trying to wink and nudge at you all the time. If I had to complain, I'd say that Eleven's subplot was maybe a little undercooked. She spends most of the season on her own, and they write a story about her exploring whether she wants to use her powers for good or... not evil, but less good, and it feels like a bit of a waste of time. I mean, even if you're just reading this and you have no experience with this show at all, I'm pretty sure you can guess which way she ends up going. It's not a big deal, but it does feel like you miss out on some good stuff with Eleven and the boys. Oh well, it was still great.

 

Kingsman: The Golden Circle, on the other hand, was a big old load of garbage, unfortunately. I was feeling pretty good about it for the first few minutes, and then I just watched it fade away into mediocrity, and then straight up unwatchable-ness by the end. I'm not a huge fan of the first movie, but I like that one scene where Colin Firth kills everyone, and after seeing the great action in the trailers for the second one I was hoping for a John Wick 2 kind of sequel. Instead, it ended up being just as disappointing as Atomic Blonde was for me. When the action is happening it's great, but this is a 140-something minute movie and there's a whole bunch of rubbish in between those action scenes.

 

While the trailers promised a straight out ridiculous action movie, the thing itself is a looooong, bloated mess of disparate ideas that never come together, and the tone is all over the place. Sometimes it's all punk and counter-culture-y, sometimes it's spoofing the spy genre, sometimes it's trying to be a real spy movie, sometimes it tries to that tiresome thing every movie does these days where the scene is conspicuously serious and you just know someone's going to make a stupid joke at the end so they can put it in the trailer, and you're just waiting and waiting for it to be over. I hope you aren't expecting Channing Tatum to do anything in the movie, because he literally gets put on ice in the first third and only woken up at the end. Colin Firth comes back but has a dumb subplot where he's forgotten his spy powers until the very end, so lower your hopes there, too. Pedro Pascal and Taron Egerton do all the heavy lifting, and their fight scenes are pretty cool, but they're few and far between and you've already seen all the good bits in the trailer.

 

The absolute worst thing is that they have this subplot about how Mark Strong's character (the "hacker guy on the headset" cliche from the first movie) wants to get out into the field and take part in the action. He discusses it with Halle Berry, his American opposite number, and finally he gets to suit up for the big climactic mission. And what happens? He steps on a landmine, sings John Denver's 'Country Road' in its entirety, and then blows up. I don't know what they were thinking. I mean, for one thing he's just a nothing character, to bland to be at all likable, so I absolutely did not care about him enough to watch him singing Country Road in its entirety (did I mention that?). But if I had cared about him, I would have been even more upset that his character was just thrown away for no reason. After SINGING AN ENTIRE COUNTRY AND WESTERN SONG. Who wrote that in the script and honestly thought they'd done good work? How do they sleep at night?

 

There's nothing as good as the 'Colin Firth kills everyone' scene from the first movie, but this time a lot more of the fight scenes are shot in that faux-one-shot manner where they hide the cuts to make it look like it's all one long thing, and I don't like it. It's kind of exhausting to watch. A good fight scene has moments where you can breath between volleys. You want to see the characters panting, or taking a while to recover from a particularly devastating attack. Kingsman's action scenes look like fights between robots, where the characters stop emoting and just kung fu at eachother for minutes at a time, and eventually you reach a point where you're just like, "OK, man, move on". It's like those Tumblr memes where they type like sixteen lines of text as one long run-on sentence; you can tell me the best story in the world, but if it doesn't have good punctuation it's still going to be a pain to read.

 

So, yeah, John Wick 2 takes home the coveted "Best Action Movie of 2017" award, after Atomic Blonde and Kingsman 2 both turn out to be a bit crap.



#2654 Spark

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Posted 22 December 2017 - 03:54 AM

Because I'm bored

 

UNOFFICIAL OFFICIAL SPARK APPROVED BEST TV AND MOVIE (MOSTLY TV) STUFF OF 2017

 

Represented by a choice video clip. And needless to say, Spoilers for a good chunk of these:

 

Stuff that's actually original to this year:

 

-Better Call Saul Season 3 (CHICANERY)

-The Good Place Season 1+2 (It's just a failsafe protocol)

-Bojack Horseman Season 4 (It was so...delicious)

-A Series of Unfortunate Events Season 1 (That's not how the story goes...)

-Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Season 2+3 (+1 too, but that was on Netflix) (It wasn't just bad...)

 

-Your Name (Trailer)

-RWBY Volume 5 (Trailer)

 

-Logan Lucky (The Game of Thrones captive)

-LOGAN (No more guns in the valley)

 

-Vice Principals (Gamby vs. Russell)

-The Orville (Practical Joke)

 


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#2655 Saber-Scorpion

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Posted 22 December 2017 - 08:16 AM

Finally watched Stranger Things Season 2. Didn't like it half as much as the first TBH. But watching it while sick with a cold made me wonder: if I heat my body up enough, will all the viruses fly out of my mouth? Sounds unsafe to try though.


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#2656 Ocelot

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Posted 26 December 2017 - 08:14 PM

Blade Runner 2049. I think it was good, but I didn't really like it. I wouldn't call the original Blade Runner one of my favourites, but I've seen probably ten times over the years and there's definitely something special about it. It doesn't tend to stick with me like my for realsies favourites do, but it's close, if that makes sense. It has so many memorable moments, so many weird characters; I love Harrison Ford doing the proper hardboiled detective thing of getting beaten into a pulp for the whole movie, and Sean Young all dolled up in that outfit with her perfectly-coiffed hair and her lipstick somehow finessed into perfect points around her philtrum is one of my biggest movie crushes. Hm, now I kind of want to watch it again.

 

2049 is a good movie. For one thing, it's just shy of three hours long, and it's extremely rare that a movie of that length doesn't have me bored out of my mind. It has some absolutely gorgeous cinematography, and it's actually a lot more plot-y than I'd expected. I sort of thought it'd be a little more artsy fartsy, but there's a very solid throughline of Ryan Gosling finding clues and following leads from scene to scene to solve a case. It's an interesting story, enough to keep things moving for three hours, at least. I... don't know if I really care about an expansion to the lore of Replicants and Blade Runnering and stuff, to be honest, particularly the story of Deckard and Rachel. Blade Runner isn't a character-driven movie. It ain't Star Wars, y'know? But 2049 goes with this story that makes a very big deal of Deckard, gives us the dramatic shot of Harrison Ford appearing from the shadows, another entry in the list of CGI human beings that don't look quite right. I don't know, it's not a bad choice. It's probably fine.

 

The biggest problem I had with the movie was Ryan Gosling's performance. He's doing that thing that he does where he plays every scene perfectly flat, never shows any emotion, more or less just stands there like a cardboard cutout, and then everyone pretends he's a great actor for some reason. I mean, he might be a great actor in other movies, but I just find this stoic shtick he does to be terrible. At least an hour of this movie's three is him just standing, perfectly stone-faced. I thought that video Red Letter Media did about it was just a bit of fun, but I swear the movie is actually like that. I don't know why anyone involved in this production thought it was a good choice to make. He has this hologram AI girlfriend who... well, at least the dialogue suggests he genuinely loves (you'd never guess it from his face), and when something very predictable happens to her late in the movie the scene just falls perfectly flat because, as always, he doesn't show the slightest emotion about it. How am I, the viewer, supposed to feel feelings about things if my window into the movie doesn't? He's just so bad.

 

There are some pretty good supporting roles, and one pretty bad one from Jared Leto, who at this point is just one short rung down from Johnny Depp on the ladder of hammy actors who can't do anything any more without some dumb makeup on. A lot of people really seem to like this movie, so I'd probably recommend watching it if only because I might be wrong about everything (and, y'know, I did say it was a good movie and all). I really enjoyed the first half hour or so, and then I didn't love the rest but I was at least grooving until the credits rolled, so that's as good a recommendation as any.

 

I also saw Your Name, or Kimi no Na wa, or 君の名は or whatever you want to call it, and it was wonderful. I don't have a whole lot to say about it, because it's just a really nice love story that's going to make you cry a little bit and then come out feeling all warm and fuzzy and happy about the world. Save it for when you're having a bad time and it might give you a couple of hours' respite before it all turns around and you just start resenting that you can't be happy like people in movies are.

 

And to round things out, I watched Under the Skin, which is a movie about...

 

Well, OK, let's come at it from this angle: Scarlett Johansson lures a series of Scottish men into what they assume will be sexual escapades, but actually turn out to be...

 

Um, I don't know how to describe this movie. It might be about aliens, or maybe monsters, or maybe, y'know, the human condition and metaphors and stuff. I quite liked it, I think, but it's definitely a weird one.

 

EDIT - Oh, and I watched the new It, too, the movie with a title so short that you inevitably have to follow it up by saying "The Stephen King one about the clown", and I really liked it. I loved that book back in the day, but it's been years since I read it and the movie brought back some great memories. I feel like they made a great all-killer, no-filler version of that thousand-page behemoth of a novel. The movie is maybe a little rushed, maybe, but I still think they did a pretty good job of characterising the awkwardly large cast, and it's helped by some genuinely great child actors. I guess they've split up the book's dual timelines into two separate movies, which is probably for the best, though it does result in this one having a bit of a sudden ending. But, y'know, it's good stuff, and anything that allows them to avoid that part of the book that we don't talk about is fine by me.

 

EDIT AGAIN - btw, the best movie of 2017 is John Wick 2.

 

EDIT SOME MORE - Black Mirror is such a fantastic show. I've watched the first four of the six new episodes, and it's still one of the cleverest, most creative TV shows out there. It takes turns being emotionally devastating, life-affirmingly inspiring and darkly hilarious, and sometimes it does it all at once. Episodes three and four of the fourth season are two of my favourite yet.



#2657 Dalton Westmoore

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Posted 17 January 2018 - 03:08 PM

I know this is a little late, but here are three movies that I saw the same week as the Last Jedi.

 

So remember when me and Herbert had a back and forth about King Arthur: Legend of the Sword?:

 

So I discovered that this exists:

 

 

This looks legit, but if the screw up King Arthur, I'll never forgive Hollywood.

You watched the same trailer I just did right? it's far too late to wonder if they screwed up King Arthur, it's clearly already the case.

Well, this isn't the first time that people have screwed with classic English Stories to get money.

 

But at least the antagonists look cool. :P

 

Now, two years later, I finally got around to seeing it, and I can say that we were both right.  :shrug:

 

But what exactly did I think of the movie? Short answer, I liked it as a so bad it was good kind of way. If I wanted to talk about it the way I wanted to, then I would have to make an enormous, Ocelot-style post about it, which I will link to if I ever make one.

 

I also watched Thor: Ragnarok which was alright, I guess. I loved all the mythological/sci-fi designs in this one, and I even liked that ship that they made into a Lego set. Hela, Skurge and Korg are definitely the best parts of this movie, and it was fun to watch Kate Blanchett run around as  Evil Galadriel for the whole movie. The biggest problem that I had with the movie is that the special effects in some scenes were really noticeable, which was a similar problem in the King Arthur movie,

 

To round it out, I watched Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales, which I enjoyed almost as much as I enjoyed seeing the Last Jedi (I know that this is a stretch at best, but I really enjoyed seeing both films). I really loved the original three films when I was growing up, and it was nice to see a good film from this universe again, unlike the fourth one, which was utter garbage.



#2658 Maverick-Werewolf

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Posted 17 January 2018 - 03:40 PM

I also watched Thor: Ragnarok which was alright, I guess. I loved all the mythological/sci-fi designs in this one, and I even liked that ship that they made into a Lego set. Hela, Skurge and Korg are definitely the best parts of this movie, and it was fun to watch Kate Blanchett run around as  Evil Galadriel for the whole movie. The biggest problem that I had with the movie is that the special effects in some scenes were really noticeable

So you were angry about Wonder Woman butchering Greek mythology, but the complete and total merciless devastation of Norse mythology in Thor: Rangarok is fine?


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#2659 Dalton Westmoore

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Posted 17 January 2018 - 09:29 PM

So you were angry about Wonder Woman butchering Greek mythology, but the complete and total merciless devastation of Norse mythology in Thor: Rangarok is fine?

 

Oh, that's an easy answer: It's because I know more about Greek Mythology.

 

That honestly isn't a joke.

 

I bet that if I knew as much about Norse Mythology as you and Scorp do, then I would have left the theater seething with rage. The problem is that I don't know that much about Norse Mythology, besides some random gods, monsters, and a few myths. It's what Hollywood is counting on: the majority of people going to see the movie aren't going to see an accurate representation of Norse Mythology, they're going to watch Thor hit things with a hammer.

 

Yes, there are a lot of problems with the mythology in the film, like:

 

Spoiler

 

But the same argument could be made for the previous two Thor films. I'm sure that those were both infuriating for you guys, but at least they weren't as bad as the Marvel Cartoons, where Ymir is alive and running around. You know, the Father of all Giants that Odin and his brothers created the world out of?

 

Let's just agree that Religion/Mythology is unadaptable. Movies made based off of them are rarely good, and are either mediocre or flaming garbage fires.



#2660 broons

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Posted 18 January 2018 - 04:58 PM

"Movies made based off of them are rarely good"

Except Thor 3 was amazing so stop

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