2016 Summer Olympic Games in Rio, #Straya
Posted 23 August 2016 - 08:31 PM
STEAM: The Blind Idiot God XBL: Herbert111
Weaponizing demons for a brighter tomorrow.
Posted 23 August 2016 - 09:00 PM
Reasons Australia is the best at sports:
1. With a stunning 29 medals and a diminutive population of 24 million Australians, Australia can boast one Olympic medal per 827,000ish people. With a pedestrian 121 medals and an enormous population of 318 million non-Australians, the USA must be content with a positively embarrassing 2,628,000ish people per Olympic Medal. We can use these scientific numbers to calculate the More Gooder At Sports Coefficient, which in this case is three-and-a-bit. Australia is three-and-a-bit times more gooder at sports than the rest of the world, a.k.a. America.
2. We decided to mix things up a bit this year. Instead of winning the boring events like Swimming, we decided to try our hands at the less overplayed sports. Trap shooting, Modern Pentathlon, Sailing, Rowing. And, of course, Rugby. By bringing attention to these lesser-known Olympic sports, we are surely broadening the appeal of the very notion of sports itself, which is undoubtedly a more noble endeavour than simply winning Golds all day long. Harrumph, how crass.
3. As we all know, the Olympics are, at heart, a beauty contest, so it's only natural that Australia absolutely dominates. With our sun-browned skin, our Rugby-honed quads, and our scientifically-proven best accents, we Australians are simply a cut above; it's really just unfair to the other countries. I mean, sure, Michael Phelps can win a lot of medals or whatever, but does it really count if he does it while looking like a cartoon caveman?
4. AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE! OI OI OI! We make 100% sure that our Australian athletes (and, indeed, everyone else within earshot) are adequately reminded of their natural, innate Australian-ness at all times. But rather than simply shout the letters of our country's abbreviation, like some countries I could mention that may or may not be three-and-a-bit times less gooder at sports than we are, we have chosen a chant that combines our nation's two greatest loves: being a nuisance, and belligerent, half-drunken, thoroughly confrontational nonsense-shouting.
5. HOW MANY OF YOUSE GIRLS' HOMES ARE GIRT BY SEA? YEAH NAH MATE, THAT'S WHAT OI RECKONED. STRAYAAAAAAA!
But Occy, how can Australia be the best sporting nation on Earth if they can't even win in real sports, aka winter sports?
In all seriousness, I wasn't expecting Canada to crack the top 10 of the Summer Games, but I think we did well.
The Winter Olympics is in a couple of years in South Korea, and then we'll see who's laughing.
lol nobody watches the Winter Olympics
- Grombrindal likes this
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