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2016 Summer Olympic Games in Rio, #Straya


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#41 Grombrindal

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 07:16 PM

Currently watching some field hockey, figuring as an avid regular hockey fan I could follow it.

Man, was I wrong. There are some bizarre rules in field hockey, like these things called "penalty corners".

Basically, in a pentalty corner, the offense lines up outside the circle area around the bet and wait for the ball to come from the corner (akin to a corner kick in soccer). That isn't the weird part. The weird part is the defenders all crowding inside the net and being given big glove things and basically being an additional four goalies.

That, and if the ball touches your foot the other team gets possession are basically the only two rules I've picked up.

Wait. Someone just got a green card which means he needs to sit out for two minutes and give the other team a man advantage. It's basically a power play. Now there's a rule I can understand.

Apparently the Kiwis are big on this sport, though, as both the commentators are Kiwi, the refs seem to be Kiwi, and the game I'm currently watching is the Quarter Finals between Germany and New Zealand.

I guess they're sorta fourth goalies but the main difference is that they can't touch the ball with anything except their stick (and their hand if it's on their stick). Generally two of your defenders try to get out and shut down the corner battery (the dudes on top who're gonna take the shot), one sits near the net to cover the corners with their stick and the other is there to sweep for the keeper if he makes a save. Corners are how a lot of goals get scored so there's a lot of strategy to them.

 

Hockey's quite a technical game with a lot of breaches. If you clash sticks without getting the ball it'll be a hit (generally to the guy with the ball because you're obstructing him), you can't raise the ball dangerously, you can't hit a foot/shin... a lot of breaches (if done deliberately) lead to green or yellow cards (green cards = 2 minutes on the bench as you described, yellow is 5 or 10 or longer).

 

Field hockey is really a lot more similar to soccer than ice hockey which is why I never understand people comparing the two and saying one or the other is for wusses. They're basically completely different games.

 

I'm now rooting for the Kiwis cos the Australian team got hammered by the Dutch after an incredibly poor showing and are out of the games and it's a well-known fact we Australians take credit for New Zealand's success whenever we're not in the running for something they stand a chance in. :P


I just migh drink it to keep the fear of SEEING THE PAT THAT SHOULD BE COVERED BY NAME OMG SO MUCH BLOOD

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#42 Saber-Scorpion

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 09:33 PM

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Did anyone see this?

Witcher fan Olympian (and possibly my dream girl?)... She even has the medallion hanging on her belt. Rather fitting that she took home the silver. :P


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#43 Ocelot

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 09:50 PM

Witcher fan Olympian (and possibly my dream girl?)... She even has the medallion hanging on her belt. Rather fitting that she took home the silver. :P

 

They tested her for steroids, but they never thought to test her for the Decoctions of the Grasses :P

 

I feel like CDPR should put out a patch that makes Geralt put his hand in his pocket when he fires the crossbow now.



#44 Risk

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Posted 18 August 2016 - 03:02 PM

I don't really watch the Olympics, but the handguns they use for the shooting contests are pretty rad.


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#45 Ocelot

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Posted 19 August 2016 - 05:00 AM

OCELOT'S THOUGHTS ON SPORTS:

 

Water Polo: It's really dumb. When I was typing the name out I misspelt it as 'Water Poo', and I was tempted not to correct myself. That dumb feinting they do when they're about to shoot for goal is the worst, trying to psych out the goalie into lunging too early. "I'M GONNA THROW IT! Hah, you thought I was gonna throw it BUT NOW I'M TOTALLY GONNA THROW IT! Hah, tricked you again BUT THIS TIME- no not really". Imagine if Soccer players were allowed to pretend to kick the ball five times before they actually kicked it, and everyone else was bobbing about in the water so they couldn't get there in time to take the ball off him. Awful.

 

Race Walking: Oh my God, how did this ever become a sport? It is the absolute most ridiculous thing an able-bodied human being can do. I appreciate that it takes incredible stamina to keep it up for 20 or 50km, but how is it that the person who invented the sport never caught a glimpse of themselves in the mirror and realised, "Oh, no, I can never do this in public"?

 

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I just imagine all the Paralympians looking on in disgust. "You've got a perfectly functioning body and that is what you're choosing to do with it?"

 

Basketball, Soccer, Hockey, and all the other bloody team sports that go on for the entire two bloody weeks of the bloody Olympics: Get outta here! You guys play that tosh all year round! I just want to see a Javelin every now and then, is that too much to ask? In Australia there are three channels showing 'Lympics around the clock, and at any given moment at least two of them will be showing Basketball or Hockey or Soccer or bloody Water Polo. Sometimes two channels will be showing the same Basketball game at the same time, and broadcasting it for the third time that day! Meanwhile you only get a sniff of Weightlifting on the "teehee aren't other sports weird?" highlight reel when one bloke's arm pops in half.

 

Sailing: I actually like this one; I promise these won't all be negative. I was watching some Aussies take their rightful place atop the dais last night and I realised I really have no clue about how sailing works. I can tie a bowline, and I know the wind goes blowy blow on the sail to make the boatie go, but apart from that the whole concept is a fascinating mystery to me. In half the events the sailors don't even sit in the boat, but rather lean right off the side as human counterweights, and just stay there for the entire race, and God the core strength those people must have!

 

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BMX: I used to burn around on a BMX bike back in the day. I took the front brake off and moved the back brake lever over to the right, and I used to do a huge skid every time I stopped the bike (to the point where I wore a hole straight through the tyre to the inner tube), but I was only ever really good at falling off and skinning my palms. Surprisingly, though, I think I might have been an Olympic-level BMX-ist, because that's all half these dudes do anyway. In basically every race you'll see the whole pack screaming around a corner, and then they'll cut to the next camera angle and only two or three of them will still be moving, and then when the race is over they'll cut to a replay of everyone dining on some nice gourmet concrete. In every single race I watched, the guy who qualified and got to start from the left side of the starting blocks won, and everyone on the right crashed and had to carry their broken bikes over the line.

 

Golf: Why is this at the Olympics again? I mean, I'll watch a bit of Golf, but it's not exactly 'Faster, Higher, Stronger', is it? Imagine being back in the Olympic Village, sharing war stories with the top 1% of the top 1% of humanity's elite physical specimens, and you have to tell them you won the Gold medal because you had a really good round of Golf. One day they're going to let e-Sports into the Olympics and I'm really going to want to die, but as of now I feel comfortable saying that Golf is the least Olympic of the Olympic sports.

 

Long-distance sports like marathon-running, road-cycling, all that rubbish: Sprinting is better. In all aspects. It's more exciting, it doesn't take all day, and sprinters look like chiseled gods while marathon-runners look like withered old men:

 

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When I sit down to watch a Track event and I see everyone just kind of lean over at the starting line, instead of starting in blocks like a real race, I just can't be bothered. Like, what are we even doing here? If you can't even get hyped up enough about your own race to start from blocks, why would I ever want to watch it? Anything over 400m isn't worth watching; come at me bros.

 

That one tackle that my Olympic Waifu Charlotte Caslick made against the American girl: Sorry I can't find a Youtube video or a gif of this because the IOC is being all weird with Olympics footage, I promise it's worth your time to click. How did she even do that? I watched it live, and I've had to replay it like fifty times since and I still don't believe it. The American girl is running straight, and Caslick has to run diagonally from the middle of the paddock, and she still manages to chase her down and bloody clean her up! And then that casual flick of the braid over the shoulder, which is pretty much where I fell in love. I wonder how much she squats.

 

The rowing event where they kneel in the boat and paddle on just one side like doofuses: 

 

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Come on, guys.



#46 Ocelot

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Posted 21 August 2016 - 12:22 AM

OCELOT'S FURTHER THOUGHTS ON SPORTS:

 

Race Walking: No, really, how is this a sport? How can the rules of the sport be "Move as fast as you can on foot, but don't run"? You actually get penalties if a referee catches you with both feet off the ground at the same time, like they just can't abide the thought of something mildly exciting happening. And you know what's even worse? They mince along for 50km, for four hours, and they don't even go anywhere! The walking track is just a 1km stretch of a two-lane road that they've blocked off, and the 'racers' walk down it, turn around and come back, twenty five times. At least with the other long-distance events you get to watch the Rio scenery go by.

 

Modern Pentathlon: So, I had no idea about this until yesterday, when all of a sudden an Aussie girl won Gold in it and it became Australia's newest favourite sport. I always figured it was like the other *Greek number*athlons, in that it was just five Track and Field events, but it really isn't. Are you ready for this? Modern Pentathlon is Swimming (fine), Fencing (uh, OK?), Horse Riding (wait, wat?), then finally a combined event of long distance running and laser pistol shooting. And they get paired up with a random horse 20 minutes before the event, and the Fencing is a first-blood, King of the Hill thing, just to make it more unusual. Apparently it was invented by the Baron Pierre de Coubertin, the turn-of-the-century eccentric rich dude who invented the modern Olympics as we know them, and was designed to "simulate the experience of a 19th-century cavalry soldier behind enemy lines: he must ride an unfamiliar horse, fight enemies with pistol and sword, swim, and run to return to his own soldiers". What a weird thing.

 

Wrestling: I have to start watching more of this, or at least paying more attention to the highlight reels. It seems like Judo, in that 90% of it is the two fighters scuffling for a grip on eachother, but the other 10% is TOTALLY SICK HIP THROWS AND SUPLEXES! I saw one giant Russian bear man just pick the other dude up off the floor, carry him over to the edge of the ring and throw him out like a sack of potatoes. And all the wrestlers, no matter the size, have that delightful stockiness to them. Big thighs, meaty traps. You guys know I enjoy a good thigh.

 

Mountain Biking: Who knew this was an Olympic Sport? I tried watching it last night, but it turns out it kind of triggers my 'riding to school every morning' PTSD. Something about watching people ride bikes in the low gears, pumping their legs like crazy but not actually going very fast, just makes me feel physically exhausted. It puts me right back on my bike, riding up hill in the cold with nothing but the nightmare that was High School to greet me at the end of the journey. Can't take it. Plus, as with all endurance sports, the competitors are all gross and emaciated, and ain't nobody got time for that.

 

Equestrian: WHEN WILL IT END!? I swear all this horse nonsense has been going on just as long as the Basketball and Soccer tournaments. Just horses jumping over stuff for weeks on end. I like horsies, but gimme a break ovah heah. Yah killin' me. Horse sports are the worst, because the only people who can compete in them are the blue blood, silver spoon crowd with double-barrel surnames, whose parents own stables. Us regular plebs can't relate, y'know? I know exactly how impressive it is that Usain Bolt runs as fast as he does, or that Michael Phelps swims so fast, and I played Basketball and Soccer and everything else in school. But I have no idea what you do to make a horse jump over a gate, or prance about on its equine tippy-toes. Shouldn't we be giving the horse the medal? Why does the posh git who sat on him shouting "Yip yip" get all the glory?

 

Rhythmic Gymnastics: It's finally here! Gawrsh it's so good you guys. I love my Rhythmic Gymmies. I can't begin to describe the things they do, because they don't make a lick of logical sense to my eyeballs, so it'll have to be gifs:

 

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HOW!? Oh, sure, the old "prancing throw, do three flips then catch it on your FOOT WHILE IT'S STILL SPINNING"!



#47 assassinfred

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Posted 21 August 2016 - 12:59 PM

Wait, since when is the modern pentathlon a cavalier training program? And why isn't it five track and field events like every other -athlon?

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#48 God-Emperor Thrawnie

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Posted 21 August 2016 - 05:50 PM

YOU

 

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JOB

 

SERBIA


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#49 Halcyon

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Posted 21 August 2016 - 06:38 PM

I miss the good old days, when Art and Poetry and the Tug of War were official Modern Olympic events. :P



#50 Mr. Skeli'n

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Posted 21 August 2016 - 07:05 PM

Dat Tokyo part of the closing ceremony tho.  :smug:



#51 Halcyon

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Posted 21 August 2016 - 08:41 PM

Here's a present for you Olympics fanz



#52 Ocelot

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Posted 21 August 2016 - 09:09 PM

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Well, the Olympics are finished for another quadrennium, so it's time to get down to the real question of this peaceful, friendly sporting competition: WHO WON!?

 

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As you can see, the answer is, without a doubt, AUSTRALIA! That's right, with by far the smallest population of any country in the top ten, the best-looking athletes, and the factual best uniform (green and gold, baby), we once again win the coveted title of Greatest Sporting Nation on Earth. Better luck next time, rest of the world. Maybe one year Australia will go easy to give the rest of you guys a chance (no we won't).

 

Dat Tokyo part of the closing ceremony tho.  :smug:

 

It's not every day the Prime Minister of Japan pops out of a Warp Pipe dressed as Mario.

 

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#53 Joe

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Posted 22 August 2016 - 03:44 AM

I'm legitimately surprised the UK came second on the table.


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#54 broons

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Posted 22 August 2016 - 12:12 PM

Australia'so total medal count isn't even as many Bronze medals of America's.

Hah.

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#55 Grombrindal

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Posted 22 August 2016 - 12:29 PM

That's possibly something to do with the fsct the US has 15 times more people than Australia...

I just migh drink it to keep the fear of SEEING THE PAT THAT SHOULD BE COVERED BY NAME OMG SO MUCH BLOOD

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#56 assassinfred

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Posted 23 August 2016 - 11:02 AM

But Occy, how can Australia be the best sporting nation on Earth if they can't even win in real sports, aka winter sports?

In all seriousness, I wasn't expecting Canada to crack the top 10 of the Summer Games, but I think we did well.

The Winter Olympics is in a couple of years in South Korea, and then we'll see who's laughing.

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#57 Burger Warrior

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Posted 23 August 2016 - 11:59 AM

*raises hand*

 

How does population count affect how many medals a country gets? I mean, China beats us in population, but we got nearly twice as many medals as they did. I'm not seeing the correlation you Aussies apparently are. :V


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#58 Grombrindal

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Posted 23 August 2016 - 05:38 PM

But Occy, how can Australia be the best sporting nation on Earth if they can't even win in real sports, aka winter sports?

In all seriousness, I wasn't expecting Canada to crack the top 10 of the Summer Games, but I think we did well.

The Winter Olympics is in a couple of years in South Korea, and then we'll see who's laughing.

We don't even have a winter so we're at a severe disadvantage from the outset. :P Plus you're forgetting our national hero:
 

 

*raises hand*
 
How does population count affect how many medals a country gets? I mean, China beats us in population, but we got nearly twice as many medals as they did. I'm not seeing the correlation you Aussies apparently are. :V

There's a definite impact of population on sporting success (although you can take that second one with a grain of salt because it's from an Australian paper) - when you're drawing from a much larger population pool, you're directly increasing the number of 'elite' athletes. The other factor is, of course, money - the US has plenty to throw at athletes where a country like China doesn't. Consider how much it costs for an athlete to break out onto even the national scene - a lot of potential superathletes in poorer countries wouldn't be able to afford that kind of investment so we might never see them. You guys also sent 554 athletes (according to friend Wikipedia) which is over a hundred more than the next closest, China, at 412. That's a lot of extra chances to win medals.

I just migh drink it to keep the fear of SEEING THE PAT THAT SHOULD BE COVERED BY NAME OMG SO MUCH BLOOD

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#59 broons

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Posted 23 August 2016 - 07:11 PM

Arguing that population increases skill level when the Fiji team stomped EVERYONE seems kinda... not right?

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#60 Grombrindal

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Posted 23 August 2016 - 07:21 PM

Arguing that population increases skill level when the Fiji team stomped EVERYONE seems kinda... not right?

Well that's more sport and culture. The US were clear favorites in basketball which isn't surprising given it's a sport played predominantly in the US, same as ice hockey for countries like Canada - other countries just don't play. Fiji is huge on rugby, particularly rugby sevens, and it was the only event they won a medal in for the entire Olympics. Individual athlete skill is a definite factor, yeah, but bigger countries send more athletes with more money backing them and tend to win more medals as a result.

I just migh drink it to keep the fear of SEEING THE PAT THAT SHOULD BE COVERED BY NAME OMG SO MUCH BLOOD

kEVdchv.gif302fJKQ.gif





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