1. The principal is to be addressed as Mr. Johnson, not "Fuhrer".
2. Not allowed to wear a "Guy Fawkes" mask to the pep rally.
3. Not allowed to replace everybody's sheet music in Choir with the lyrics to Sir Mix-a-Lot's "I Like Big Butts".
4. Can't use a batch file in Tech to scare the crap out of paranoid kids.
5. "Humans VS Zombies" is not authorized free period use.
6. The Halloween party is not an excuse to wear pants on my head.
7. Can't publicly humiliate bullies, no matter how much they deserved it.
8. Can't wear short shorts to class, even if the girls can.
9. Just because a fellow student has poor knowledge of racial minorities is not an excuse to tell him that my bibimbap is made with dog.
10. I am not allowed to have access to a spoon, the Music room, and a pack of gummy bears at the same time.
11. Can't rub my 3.9 GPA in the parents of other student's faces.
12. Can't yell, "NERF BALL! I CHOOSE YOU!" during dodgeball.
13. If the assignment asks me to describe something I'd like to have, I can't put down "sniper rifles" and then describe the Arctic Warfare Magnum in detail, and what exactly it does to a human's head.
14. I'm only allowed to read "Time" and "Newsweek" at home- not at Study Hall in front of the other kids who are reading "Diary of a Wimpy Kid" and "Twilight".
15. Not allowed to annoy the conservative teachers.
16. Not allowed to annoy the liberal teachers as well.
17. When the substitute teacher asks for my name, I cannot respond with "Inigo Montoya" or "Ash Ketchum of Pallet Town".
18. Don't convince any of the girls that regular showers are linked to skin cancer.
19. Can't play a cover of "Another Brick in the Wall" at the talent show.
20. Neither can I perform any Michael Jackson songs.
21. Can't threaten to use "Buddhist black magic rituals" on the evangelistic white kid.
22. Eating a bagel is not allowed in the middle of the school musical of "Diary of a Wimpy Kid".
23. If one of my friends is sent to the principal's office, I cannot come along with him and claim that I'm his "defense attorney".
24. Can't demonstrate how one can drink a cheeseburger.
25. Cannot organize a Drama Club and then abuse my powers within to start a production of "The Wall".
26. Can't bribe twenty other kids to climb up on the tables and sing "It's a Hard Knock Life" with me.
27. Can't convince the n00b substitute teacher that I'm a foreign exchange student and then use nothing but Korean for the rest of class.
28. Can't explain to other kids what red food coloring is actually made of.
29. Under no circumstances am I to randomly burst into song during a test.
30. No challenging anybody to a staring competition, due to what happened on 10/21/10.
31. A Monopoly "Get Out of Jail" card does not exempt me from detention.
32. No jerry-rigging weapons out of school supplies.
33. I cannot refer to the co-ed swimming class as "The Hour of Blue Balls".
34. No mimicking Banksy's art on the school walls, even if it is with chalk.
35. I will not replace the grumpy ol' English teacher's eyedrops with industrial lubricant.
36. Pudding is not a religion.
37. Even though it's okay for kids to wear those "I <3 BOOBIES" wristbands, I cannot wear one saying "WHAT WOULD YOUR MOTHER SAY?"
38. Can't sell mocktails to kids during lunch.
39. I am not a pony trapped inside a tween's body.
40. Can't set up a psychiatrist booth.
41. I shall not run for student council president and only to get involved in a scandal involving the Secretary and copious amounts of Red Bull.
42. The Halloween party is not a place to perform Pagan rituals.
43. If I am asked to give a few words at the end-of-year ceremony, "Drink your Ovaltine," "Ooga booga boo," "I like pudding," and any quotations from Dr. Seuss books are not acceptable.
44. "American Idiot" is not to be performed on school grounds.
45. At the Spring Dance, I cannot lace the punch with laxatives.
46. I shall not make fun of the emo kids.
47. No attempting to act out the events of "High School Musical", songs and all, with a group of likeminded students.
48. Organizing a school-wide Black Ops fundraiser tournament is not allowed.
49. Addendum to 41- If I am to run for student council president, and win, I will not go up on stage for my acceptance speech, and then go into a long diatribe of how the student council is merely a puppet government created by the school board to give us "sheeple" the illusion of control.
50. Similarly, I cannot spread dissent under the guise of "V" from the movie "V for Vendetta".
51. I am not "The Earl of Sandwich" and cannot order teachers to address me as such.
52. The "Furby" is not a weapon of mass destruction and should not be treated as such.
53. No clambering on the desks akin to a monkey and making noises to accompany it.
54. "Let us FUDGE!" is not an acceptable quotation for the yearbook.
55. I am not allowed to say, "That's right- s*** just got real," after everything my pre-algebra teacher says.
56. Minecraft is not a Geology teaching aid.
57. I can't sell "Orange cocaine" (read: ground up orange PEZ) to the stupid rich kids who think they're being rebellious by doing so.
58. My desk is not my own country, and I am not the dictator of it.
59. Being disalarmingly pacifist in the Wrestling unit of Gym is not allowed.
60. Twinky is not allowed to address himself from the third person.
61. I cannot threaten other kids that I will "Stick my hand up their butt, and work their mouth like a puppet."
62. If I sign up for the school newspaper, and are assigned the dating advice column to my dismay, I cannot reply to each letter with anything along the lines of "Give that b**** a X- b****** loooove X."
63. It is grossly inappropriate to run through the halls screaming "GEEKS AND CHILDREN FIRST" during a fire drill. It is even more inappropriate to do so during an actual fire.
64. The rules of the school do not begin with "1. No talking about *school name*" and "2. No talking about *school name*."
65. Our school is not "Oceania" and our rivals are not "Eastasia" and "Eurasia".
66. Neotokyo, as fun as it is, is not to be played in the middle of Graphic Design.
67. I cannot randomly smash objects surrounding me, and then blame it on violent rap music. (Credit to Harrow for this 'un.)
68. It is funny when I replace the music for Gym with "Can't Touch This". It is not funny when I do the same with the national anthem at assembly.
69. Lunch hour is not a time to see what kind of weapon I can make with only mashed potatos and the utensils.
70. My milkshake, contrary to popular belief, does not bring all the boys to the yard.
71. I cannot provide color commentary on an episode of "South Park" and submit it to my Civics teacher as "4th Graders as Depicted in the Media: A Study".
72. The bowling ball pendulum hanging from the ceiling is meant for the physics lab report- not for pulling back and concussing people with it.
73. "Black Ops" is not an acceptable study aid for the Vietnam unit.
74. A q-tip and lemon juice are not to be used in lieu of a pencil.
75. If a teacher asks me a question, I cannot reply with anything along the lines of "I am not here at the moment. Please leave a message after the beep. BEEEEEEEEEEEEP."
76. I cannot disprove the saying "The pen is mightier than the sword" with an actual sword.
77. I cannot bring a retrofitted t-shirt cannon for the sole purpose of starting a food fight.
78. I cannot thwack people on the head with my "Grammar Hammer" every time they say something stupid.
79. I will not use twisty-ties from bread packages to create a Masonic symbol.
80. No procrastinating.
81. I cannot attempt to hold up the lunch counter with a Pez dispenser.
82. No scribbling "ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWAH" onto the Student Council election posters.
83. I will not claim "THAT EQUATION IS A SPAH!" in Pre-al.
84. No jacking into the intercom system to loudly broadcast Guns N' Roses "Welcome to the Jungle".
84.5. Especially during finals week.
85. If I am asked to do a report on my favorite American, I cannot put down Charlie Sheen.
86. The following terms are not to be used in an English poem- Noodle incident, squid, Chinese McDonalds, or chicken fingers.
87. I cannot perform a science experiment based off of the question "How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?"
88. If I am billed to perform music at the next pep rally, "Revolution" by the Beatles is not to be played.
89. During the Halloween Party, I cannot lift up one of the ceiling tiles and poke my head through various holes to provide a suitable backdrop for my "Ceiling Cat" costume.
90. I am not to exploit holes in the PC security system to make the computers uncontrollably play "Nyan Cat" for the entire duration they are turned on.
91. I am not allowed to imitate QWOP on the track.
92. I am not allowed to say "space pirate" when a teacher asks me what I want to be when I grow up.
93. If a guest speaker is teaching about evolution, I cannot yell "PICS OR IT DIDN'T HAPPEN."
94. Even if there's nothing in the rules for it, I cannot wear my SPARTAN-III costume to school.
95. I cannot wear a meat suit and perform Lady Gaga's "Born This Way" at the talent show.
96. Nor can I paint myself blue in a tribute to the Blue Man Group.
97. Same goes for Ke$ha and glitter.
98. If I make a good move in Chess Club, I cannot yell, "WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW?"
99. No threatening a bully that I will "love and tolerate the S*** out of them."
100. During the Pledge of Allegiance, under no circumstances am I to say in place, "I pledge allegiance, to the flag, of the United States of Equestria. And to the friendship, for which it stands, one nation, under Celestia, with liberty and cupcakes for all.
101. During a mock courtroom scenario in Civics, I am not allowed to throw my backpack at the opposition ala Phoenix Wright.
102. On Debate team, I ma not to call the other team "doo-dooheads" during the session.
103. I cannot set my Science Powerpoint to "Miracles" by the Insane Clown Posse.
104. During my speech for Student Council president, I am not to promise "to be the best puppet leader we'll ever have."
105. I cannot blame anything on leprechauns.
Edited by Twinky, 03 July 2011 - 01:54 AM.